Once bitten, twice snowed on

It's snowing out again. The weather has been alternating between 20's and 30's below--and that's actually temperature NOT windchill which would sound even worse--and snow. The temps have been too cold to use road salt and so they've been only using sand. Sand on the roads is certainly better than nothing but it makes a slippery, slushy roadway. The city where I live is flat, and a driver just needs to remember to start braking long before they actually need to stop. But the neighboring city is hilly and the slippery roads are quite dangerous there.

I haven't written much about the particulars of my new job. There are many interesting stories, but they aren't MY stories and are confidential, so not appropriate blog-fodder. But last night as a visitation was ending, I needed to bring the children down the long halls out to the foster parent's vehicle. One child took my hand, and I was pleased and relieved as we aren't allowed to carry them or hold their hands against their will. We were all dressed for outdoors. I was wearing thick leather gloves--and good thing that I was! The child bit into the fleshy part of my thumb where it joins my hand like she was biting into an apple. She hung on until I looked her sternly in the eye and said, "No, stop that." a whole lot calmer than I felt! They were the last family in the Center and I was supposed to leave at when the visit was over as the Center isn't in the best of neighborhoods. But my hand was throbbing so I went back into the bathroom. There was a dime-sized open wound, surrounded by bright orange and purple bruising. I ran warm water and soap from the dispenser over my hand until it quit throbbing, then put the glove back on to drive home.

As I was driving down the slick, slippery hill and the car wasn't stopping at intersections in the manner I would have liked, a child's verse was in my head:

Child bite, child bite
Last family I see tonight
I wish I may
I wish I might
Avoid further injury tonight.

I got home OK and put honey on the wound. Today it is much better and barely painful. Long ago as a meter reader I received dog bites fairly often. Those wounds would be painful for days because I hadn't given them first aid right away with warm water and soap. Also didn't know about the curative powers of honey!

The question of today is: How's your work going lately?

Some interesting thoughts

Well, at least I think the thoughts are interesting! That makes one of us. Over the past couple of weeks I've been reading (currently while well-bundled up) the Seth/Jane Roberts material. This material was published in the 1970's and some of the "new age-y" philosophies are credited/blamed to the Seth material that came out during that time.

I'd run into this line of thinking many times before, as I'm sure you have: that a person creates their own reality. In the past I've always dismissed that philosophy almost immediately. The "proof" that it doesn't work, to me was that people are starving, suffering, dying--and why would they chose that? It just didn't make sense to me. That was about all the thinking I did about it and then closed the book on that entire subject.

Lately I've re-opened that line of thinking along with opening and reading the Seth books. As it turns out, the philosophy is a lot more complex (and intriguing) than I first had considered. Seth says that we create our own reality, but that it's created from our thoughts and emotions--not necessarily what our conscious "wishes" are. Fear and negative thinking also create reality. Ah-ha! Now that makes more sense to me and I can trace it in my own life.

Now why would I choose to have this Year-From-Hell? Well, I didn't choose it, exactly, but my thoughts and feelings came into play and then thoughts and feelings about things that were happening made OTHER (negative) things happen. Yes, I can see how it might have worked out in this way, even though I wouldn't have chosen it on purpose.

I won't go into re-tracing the entire year for you, but will just give a couple of the more major examples: I WAS feeling very negative about my job early in the year, in fact I was looking for another job. I had just decided to grimly hang on for another year when--I got injured on the job. Five weeks off and I was dreading my return. I wasn't back at work long at all before I got fired from the job. That was one way of leaving that job! Not the way I would have consciously chosen, but it worked.

Because of the injury, although it looked like a penniless summer at first, Worker's Comp came through with some money to support me and a job-finding person to help me find another job! Again, not exactly what I would have chosen to go through, but it worked out!

As for the continual stuff happening to my house (now THERE'S a long list I won't go into right now!) so it can't/isn't getting sold: I fell in love with this house and am still very attached to it. I wouldn't chose to sit here shivering, nor to have the basement flood of last year--but it worked--I still have my house! Funny how things have worked out, once I take a good look at them and an honest look at what my own attitudes have been.

So, have you just written off the "you create your own reality" theory or do you think that it really operates in some strange fashion? Got any good examples of how it worked in your life?

Still got it going on

Remember my October 7th post about the cold I had? Well, probably you don't remember as it's not all that noteworthy except to me. But here's the thing - I STILL HAVE IT. In fact my throat was so sore I could barely swallow and the coughing thing is annoying. Many times I've coughed so hard that I have vomited. Or perhaps that was from the tea with honey and lemon juice. Oh how I hate that tea now! Used to like it. But it does seem to ease the sore throat a bit. The four days/nights without heat in the house didn't help to get rid of this cold, or whatever it is, I'm sure.

Still, I've gone to work spreading my germs. I had a brand new visitation to observe last night. With a new visitation the Supervised Visitation Observer must go over the paperwork and the rules. I could barely talk, voice was gone and the effort made me cough and cough. I ended up just pointing out things as I couldn't read them out loud. How attractive and professional! Isn't that sad? But I need the money. And also have no health care.
Added later: I've been thinking (just a smidgen) about the 400 hours of sick time I lost at the old job...no paid sick at the new job. There are no benefits at all.

Today I went to the pharmacy and got a generic drug, well two versions: a daytime and a night-time. The dosage is 2 tablets for every four hours but I've never tolerated cold medicine well, so broke a tablet in half and took just the half. I was glad I did, since there was driving to be done and even the half-tablet made me pretty spacey. (Too bad I didn't have a new visitation to go over the rules with--now THAT might have been fun!) It has helped though, there's been fewer spasms of coughing since then.

As to the historic election of yesterday? All I can say is that chant that was heard around the White House, "Nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah nah, hey hey hey, gooooodbye."
Added later: Even if it had gone the other way, the election would have been historic. I thought up another appropriate song: Ding Dong the Witch is Dead!

ps. There are a couple of my favorite blogs that I'm no longer able to get on to read or make comments! If that's you, can you please re-invite me? (if you want to, that is!)

Not a Super Nanny

It's been a week already. That certainly went fast. Well, most of it. Thanks for the great cold-cure advice! When I asked that question, it was more of a "tell me about yourself" type of question but I quickly realized that there was some really good advice in the comments. I still have a sore throat and cough but am feeling so much better!

Last week when really ill I drank lots of green tea, opened a can of chicken noodle soup. I normally would make the soup from scratch but was just not up for all of that messing around. There are things like frozen food and canned goods still around for when the kids come to visit. The canned soup came in handy.

As I'd feared, Worker's Comp is not too pleased about the job situation. They're planning to do a job shadow to find out what, exactly I'm required to do. That's good of them to want to protect me but the visitations are confidential and I can't just take a "civilian" in with me! Maybe I could walk the WC agent through and just show and explain what I do without having a real family there?

And there ARE some issues about the visitations that are not ideal: there is a lot more walking and standing than they had told me. I'd asked many questions about it during the interview and the employment intake and was led to believe that the job was mostly sitting (and I could put my foot up) but it's not. Kids are lively and I have to follow them around. Families and foster parents are dealing with carloads of children and don't arrive on time (lots of standing around and waiting for everybody to get there).

I can't tell you very much about the situations, but they all are interesting and every family is unique. The children would break your heart. They are such beautiful children! My non-politically correct Mom would call most of them "half-breed" children, ethnically mixed. But those little angel-looking kids often behave like demons! Have you seen the TV show Super Nanny? Jo would have her hands full with ANY of these families.

In fact I had to speak to my boss last night about a family that has visitation in their home. The youngest child involved is so out-of-control that he actually attacked me (habitually attacked any and all of the family members)during the last visitation. It was in the family's home and everyone is required to remove their shoes so I was sitting in the living room with only a stockinged foot and my cane to get up--actually quite vulnerable to an attack like that. The child did back off but I realized that even a young child can really hurt somebody-the older siblings always bear marks and wounds from the youngest. Yikes! I really hated to bow out from that visitation as the boss has enough problems trying to schedule them all, but missing a few weeks may make me unfamiliar enough once again so that child actually listens to me again like during the first visitation, instead of ignoring what I say and attacking me, the fate of the rest of the family.

Yeah, I have to say that my friends and WC were kind of right about this new job. It's less than ideal, physically I can barely do the walking and standing required. But it's very interesting and at least a bit of money coming in.

So a natural follow-up question to all of this, as I love a dialogue, not a monologue: How has your job been lately?

and then come the germs

Oh dear, do I ever have a sore throat, can barely swallow and I'm almost never, ever sick. Working with families with babies and little kids brought it on, I'm sure. I remember when my son at daycare used to bring home all the little flu, cold and fever germs currently going around. But even then, everyone else but me would get sick.

Oh well, some nice warm brandy with honey and lemon will help. Make that several of them.... I almost never take cold medicine, that nasty stuff that just makes a person feel even worse. The only time I took some was years ago when we all had walking pneumonia and I had to travel for work, I was sucking down the Nyquill every couple of hours during the day and on the flights to and fro. It worked to get me through but I was just so doggone CHEERFUL and vocal during the day-long staff meetings! By the time I got back home, though, I pretty much wanted to roll up into a little ball and die, except I couldn't breathe when lying down and had to sleep in the recliner. Glad I don't get sick very often. Although those upcoming brandies sound really good.

What do you do when you get sick, how do you pamper yourself?

Running

Wow, my head is spinning and it's great to be working again! I love my job, so interesting. It entails a lot of running around and last-minute step-ins. I worked pretty much all Friday until after 7:00 PM, and the same on Saturday and Sunday working until after 7 PM. The weekly visit with my Mom got moved to Monday, before a staff meeting late in the afternoon.

It's been hectic. Worker's Comp may not like the schedule since the driving and the waiting parts aren't paid. Any job has some time like that. My former job had a half-hour commute each way and a half-hour unpaid lunch for a total of an hour-and-a-half per day that wasn't "covered" or paid for. I hope WC will see it that way. The new job has a bit more of that sort of time just because the nature of it: waiting for the visiting parent(s) to show up, foster parents, driving to different sites. I had a 4-hour visitation in a family's home on Sunday. I got to watch them eat dinner, among other things (didn't get any dinner, of course). Spent Saturday afternoon on a playground and even got a bit of color on my face again. It was a beautiful day. Nice to get paid for stuff like that!

Unlike the previous schedule, the three shadowings required were completed by Friday already and I was out doing the visitations on my own. I think I've done maybe eight of them already and am scheduled for one this afternoon. SLA and I are going grocery shopping since I'm out of all the food I usually eat. Breakfast has been only apples when normally I have an apple, a banana and assorted other fruit chopped up and tossed with plain yogurt. I still have some reports and billings to write for work so I'd better get to it.

What's on your plate (fruit?!) this week?

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Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho

YES! The three required job shadowings are finally scheduled! One for Friday morning, one for Friday evening and one for Saturday late afternoon. Then there's a 4:00 PM meeting on Monday for me to presumably sign up for shifts on my own. Exciting! A bit scary too. I'll have to watch really closely and see how things are handled, how to act, what to do and say. I like the idea of learning by shadowing, and we'll see just how well it works out.

I just finished a meeting with the Worker's Comp job person. She gave me five new job leads that I must follow up in 48 hours. Tomorrow is that appointment with the bone doctor and another WC person will accompany me to that one.

Watched a horrendous show on public TV last night. I think it was called "Critical Care" or something like that. The show followed several people with medical issues (cancer was one of the issues) through the medical maze when they had no health care insurance coverage. Scary and so so sad. I think all but one of the people died--basically for lack of timely health care. The financial and emotional hardship on those who were ill--with no or little recourse to good medical care--and on their families was so heartbreaking. I've heard some say that total health care would be too expensive but some financial figures were bandied about that NOT covering people turns out to cost taxpayers and health care enrollees even more.

On a lighter note, a couple of days ago I borrowed the 5th season of Buffy from the public library and am eagerly anticipating watching those episodes! Probably late at night.

OK, the question of the day for you is: What are you eagerly anticipating?!

Not falling off the bridge anymore, I'm reading instead

I'm feeling much better today. Had a bit of what I call the "falling off the bridge" syndrome going on, you know--lots of negativity, worry and angst. But I started practicing, RE-practicing, really, what my counselor had told me and what I've been reading and (sporadically) practicing for years, centering and meditation. It's no big surprise that it really helps! So why do I keep "forgetting" about it? One of those little mysteries of human nature, I guess.

Lately I've read some interesting books and watched some really good movies, too. Last night watched the award-winning winning movie "Tsotsi" and watched the alternate endings (I like the ending they chose the best) how the movie was made, the soundtrack (by Zola--fantastic, I want it!). The movies and books are all from the library where I go almost daily for job-finding and personal reasons. Bet the library has the soundtrack or could do an inter-library lending thing to get it for me.

Over the summer and even since my accident I hadn't read much. You'd think with the extra time that reading would be one of my choice activities, but it wasn't. It was difficult to concentrate enough to read for the first few months and after that just the activities of normal living were taking so long that I really didn't have time to read. But I have had time lately and it's been great to re-visit diving into a good book!

Some of the interesting books I've read lately are:

Free For All: Oddballs, Geeks, and Gangstas in the Public Library by Don Borchert

Reviews
'Jack-of-all-trades Borchert shares wholesome, guardedly witty dispatches from the suburban L.A. library system in this charming tell-all. For 12 years the family-man author has held the post of assistant librarian, keeping a wary eye on unruly kids, mollifying mystified parents and repairing sadly manhandled materials. Borchert relays a conversation with an aged librarian who reveals how it was in the good old days (staff lunches used to be served with wine), then contrasts that account with modern-day multicultural crayons and the preponderance of latchkey kids abandoned in the library for long, numbing afternoons. A few of the regular patrons are inspiring Renaissance types, but most are unsettling and unsavory, such as intensely reclusive crossword-puzzler Henry hounding the reference desk; loser Max looking futilely on the Internet for a South American wife; or the drug dealers working the restroom. From patrons who rack up hundreds of dollars in fines to missing pet rats and fist-fighting mothers, Borchert has seen it all, and his account gives a human interest spin to this undervalued profession.' -From Publishers Weekly

“The idea of a librarian memoir sounds really boring, but Borchert’s voice is never boring, and you keep reading because (1) he’s hilarious and (2) it’s uncharted territory” —San Francisco Chronicle

“Free for All aims to do for libraries what Bel Kaufman’s Up the Down Staircase did for urban schools or what Bill Buford’s Heat did for professional cooking” –USA Today

I LOVED this book! A funny, sad, intriguing look at what (and who) goes on in a public library.

Piaf: A Biography by Monique Lange
I had wanted to know more about Edith Piaf, and this book satisfied that curiosity and how she fit into history.

The Botany of Desire: A Plant's-Eye View of the World by Michael Pollan
Reviews
'Working in his garden one day, Michael Pollan hit pay dirt in the form of an idea: do plants, he wondered, use humans as much as we use them? While the question is not entirely original, the way Pollan examines this complex coevolution by looking at the natural world from the perspective of plants is unique. The result is a fascinating and engaging look at the true nature of domestication.

In making his point, Pollan focuses on the relationship between humans and four specific plants: apples, tulips, marijuana, and potatoes. He uses the history of John Chapman (Johnny Appleseed) to illustrate how both the apple's sweetness and its role in the production of alcoholic cider made it appealing to settlers moving west, thus greatly expanding the plant's range. He also explains how human manipulation of the plant has weakened it, so that "modern apples require more pesticide than any other food crop." The tulipomania of 17th-century Holland is a backdrop for his examination of the role the tulip's beauty played in wildly influencing human behavior to both the benefit and detriment of the plant (the markings that made the tulip so attractive to the Dutch were actually caused by a virus). His excellent discussion of the potato combines a history of the plant with a prime example of how biotechnology is changing our relationship to nature. As part of his research, Pollan visited the Monsanto company headquarters and planted some of their NewLeaf brand potatoes in his garden--seeds that had been genetically engineered to produce their own insecticide. Though they worked as advertised, he made some startling discoveries, primarily that the NewLeaf plants themselves are registered as a pesticide by the EPA and that federal law prohibits anyone from reaping more than one crop per seed packet. And in a interesting aside, he explains how a global desire for consistently perfect French fries contributes to both damaging monoculture and the genetic engineering necessary to support it. Pollan has read widely on the subject and elegantly combines literary, historical, philosophical, and scientific references with engaging anecdotes, giving readers much to ponder while weeding their gardens.' -Amazon.com Review

Erudite, engaging and highly original, journalist Pollan's fascinating account of four everyday plants and their coevolution with human society challenges traditional views about humans and nature. Using the histories of apples, tulips, potatoes and cannabis to illustrate the complex, reciprocal relationship between humans and the natural world, he shows how these species have successfully exploited human desires to flourish. "It makes just as much sense to think of agriculture as something the grasses did to people as a way to conquer the trees," Pollan writes as he seamlessly weaves little-known facts, historical events and even a few amusing personal anecdotes to tell each species' story. For instance, he describes how the apple's sweetness and the appeal of hard cider enticed settlers to plant orchards throughout the American colonies, vastly expanding the plant's range. He evokes the tulip craze of 17th-century Amsterdam, where the flower's beauty led to a frenzy of speculative trading, and explores the intoxicating appeal of marijuana by talking to scientists, perusing literature and even visiting a modern marijuana garden in Amsterdam. Finally, he considers how the potato plant demonstrates man's age-old desire to control nature, leading to modern agribusiness's experiments with biotechnology. Pollan's clear, elegant style enlivens even his most scientific material, and his wide-ranging references and charming manner do much to support his basic contention that man and nature are and will always be "in this boat together." -From Publishers Weekly

Interesting book and thought-provoking (just the type of book I like!)especially for anyone who loves plants and/or gardening. I don't agree with all that Pollan writes but it's something for gardeners and all the rest of us to think about.

Beauty Fades, Dumb Is Forever: The Making of a Happy Woman by Judge Judy Sheindlin.

While I haven't watched JJ for a long time and am not a real fan of hers, the book was quite interesting and revealing--just what I like in a good autobiography!

There may have been a couple more books but they don't come to mind right now. What have you been reading or seeing (movies) lately?

Seriously GOOD things!

I'm feeling much better now. It's great to have had no hitchhikers since Monday actually ON (shudder) me. I'm still keeping up precautions but I think I'll be "clean" to visit my Mom on Saturday. I've been talking to her on the phone to make sure she didn't get them too. And asking pointed questions to make sure she didn't get them when she saw me last!

I still have the bright red little bites from Monday, though. They itch worse than a mosquito bite and having lived in Minnesota I know exactly how itchy mosquitos can be! In fact as a child when we were driving to visit my Mom's relatives (she's from there) my Dad would look out the car windows and say, "Swamp, swamp, there's swamps everywhere!" and make her mad. We've always called it the Land of 10,000 lakes and a million swamps!

Some bonuses to my situation:
Since July and the back and leg pain got so bad, I've not been able to eat or sleep much. I've lost 22 pounds without dieting! How do you like that? I've been on every diet known to man and have lost some, but not nearly as quickly as this. It's only been a little over two months. Of course I need to lose weight, so this is very good.

And now since I have to launder everything the moment I take it off in boiling hot water, my clothes have shrunken a bit. They were just hanging on me and I don't have the money right now to buy more clothes in the (yay!) smaller size. But just try washing jeans in really hot water every day and even with the weight loss they fit me pretty well. They were falling off me before the plague hit. My work pants have shrunken (but not as much as the jeans) too, so fit a little better at least.

So there are some seriously GOOD things happening with this situation. I haven't been a good blog reader even though I love it so. It's been sort of hit (write a post) and run in the mornings. Hope all goes well with you, too!

No longer organic

Yep, as you might have guessed, SLA gave me the plague. How nice of her to share! Even though we've known each other for nearly 25 years, I may not speak to her again, still deciding about that...

I was supposed to have an Open House this Sunday. Guess not anymore. And I've already spent over $50 of money I don't have buying remedies that haven't worked yet. Ever taken a bath in dog shampoo? Now there is a treat! Or completely stripping and washing everything in hot water, everything I've worn, touched, or slept in (sheets, blankets, comforter) every day goes into the washer. Those are super-mutant bugs! I've never heard of anything like it. Even when I lived in Florida, they were in the carpet and the apartment managers did a monthly bombing, but we never got bites or had them on us. The clinic hasn't ever heard of it either and they still haven't come through with any PEOPLE remedies I could use. They called me back about four times on Monday with additional questions and still no prescription even though I keep telling them that it is urgent.

The saddest part and the part that makes me the angriest is that I don't even take an Excedrin or Aspirin for a headache--I breathe in mint or drink mint tea. I never use cold remedies or any other sort of over-the-counter medication. I don't use any sort of chemicals in the house, yard or garden--and now my house is filled with chemicals. My drawers, shoes, closets, bed everything is full of insecticide. All of my spiders are dead and I'm sure this is not good for my plants or for me. Today I'm getting an exterminator. I hope they take credit cards!

Got jobs? It hits the fan

OMG was this a bad day! I thought I'd seen bad days before. OK, hope I didn't scare you off already from reading this. Hope you're not thinking, "Oh good, another post about work..." Actually it started off as a bad day before I even got to work. I couldn't sleep last night, my leg hurt and it hurt all day today. That may not excite you for reading material either. Sorry. I've just been having one heck of a time that is just getting worse and worse.

Well, but at work:
I've been told to shape up or leave. BZ gave me a most brutal memo at a meeting with HR (which she told me about an hour ahead of time, and I had to drive to HQ for the meeting) It was bad, it was brutal. If I had that memo in electronic form I'd post it for you. But my fingers are sore. I just spent nearly four hours online applying for jobs and doing the resume/references thing. It takes a long time. I will type in the 5 points of the memo (omitting BZ's details and putting in my own!):

It starts off with:
I have noticed changes in your behavior, work performance and attitude, and I am concerned about you and the impact it is having on (company), and staff. I have made the following observations:

1. Numerous mistakes (that registration list fight I had with Favorite Co-worker)
2. Behavior (Not liking losing my office and job and being moved to the receptionist's desk)
3. Disorganized Library, Supplies, Supply Room (BZ's really big Biggie--this wasn't my job, remember? And at work we always talk about how everyone cleans up after him/herself)
4. Your relationship with your coworkers (the same as #2)
5. Lacks problem solving skills (she just said some very general stuff in this paragraph, nothing specific even though I asked)

This wonderful document continues on the next page with:

The types of incidents we have dicussed or which are listed above must stop immediately. Failure to demonstrate immediate improvment in your perfomrance will lead to further action that could include termination.

There are blanks, one for me to sign below the threat. I refused. They tried to make me sign it, but I wouldn't. The HR director said I could write a rebuttal to add tomorrow "just sign it now" and I refused, but said I might write a rebuttal. They said I was "defensive" well, I guess so when being viciously attacked like that. The meeting started off with the HR director telling me I should find another job! And it went downhill from there.

I drove home (with the jeep misbehaving, of course--I don't know what has happened to my nice normal relatively trouble-free life. Lately I feel like Calamity Jane!) and threatening to stall. I can't miss work tomorrow as I have been assigned (last minute by BZ, of course) to take the meeting minutes for an all-day meeting with our board. Our board comes from all over the country and will be in town for two days. During that time I will have to look cheerful and eager and happy to be at work. I'm not sure I can do it.

Bed head

I had bed head when I went to visit the kids. My poor hair had been caught, snagged and pulled for over two hours and was a fright.

I had asked my son on our last phone call the day before I left if he wanted anything, and his answer was, no. But I thought of their living room with only two chairs (one a plastic outdoor chair and the other a wooden kitchen chair I'd brought them) and decided that they needed more furniture. They also had talked of inviting my son's "brother" down to visit at some future date. He would drive down with me and be good company, I love that kid. But there only were two beds at the apartment, a futon on the floor and the blow-up bed.

So I decided to take the bottom bunk of the metal bunk beds. I'd bought them used when son was three and have utilized them ever since. In fact I sleep on one of them, in my bedroom now. But the other one was up in the loft and could be used for a couch or a bed at the kids' apartment. I'd used one of the bunk beds for a couch in the living room many times when I was poor, until finally we had a real couch and overstuffed chairs in the living room. It would be a good start for them.

Getting the bunk bed down from the loft was a challenge all by myself. Even getting it apart was a challenge! The first thing my son asked when he saw it was, "I supposed you scratched up the walls of the loft!?" But I didn't, was very careful--with the furniture. Wish I'd been more careful with my back as taking that heavy bed down two flights of stairs, outside and into the jeep all by myself was probably more than I was supposed to do. I wasn't supposed to carry anything heavy nor bend forward. Needless to say, I paid for my stupidity on this...

Getting the bunk bed into the jeep was the worst challenge. At first it didn't seem to fit and I had to keep leaning and shoving on it to be able to get the hatch door closed. When it was finally all inside the jeep, the (open) springs were jutting over the front seats. I had to drive two hours and twenty minutes with my head scrunched down and my hair getting torn at by the springs. Changing lanes on the interstate was exciting too, as I couldn't see in the back of the jeep and lost hair trying to turn my head to see out the sides. It was quite a drive. I have to say that I enjoyed the drive home much more!

The kids were very happy with their new bed/couch. I had to go and lie down on the cool kitchen floor to ease my back. Although I told him what I was going to do, son came into the kitchen, saw me and said with concern, "Should I call an ambulance?" But no, it wasn't that back although one of those Cortisone shots would have felt good at that point! Or those electrode-thingys.

Son's roomie and ex-girlfriend thought I should use one of those scooters when we went to the store they work in for the second time. I've been too proud to use one of those but in a strange city where nobody knows me, why not? And it was a relief to be able to concentrate on the conversation instead of walking and coping with the pain. When my Mom called last night to wish me a Happy Birthday, I told her about the scooter and suggested she should use one to go shopping!

The demons in my leg

I had my first physical therapy session for the sciatica yesterday. I've never had PT before and it was interesting, if not very fun. First, the therapist had to do an evaluation, which was the unfun part of it. I could not help unvoluntarily yelping several times as he pushed on parts of my back and made me do things like bend sideways, touch my toes, etc. The diagnosis from the doctor I went to see last week for X-rays is a herniated spinal disc. Sciatica is merely (if one could call it that!) a symptom of other conditions.

But after the pain came the good part: he put electrodes on parts on my back to deliver a mild shock over a period of ten minutes. While I was getting this done, he showed me some exercises to do. He warned me that the exercises take 20 minutes and must be done every day, but I assured him that it wouldn't be a problem for me to do that since I'm usually awake all night fighting with the pain. He also did a weird pulling-on-my-legs thing that really helped, too.

But the pain is never very bad (in comparison, anyway) during the day as during the night when I would pretty much do anything including selling my soul to make it stop! In fact after wrestling with pain for every night but one for over a month now, I see the pain as a demon torturing my leg! Which is why that astrology reading was so funny to me when it talked about "demons"!

Anyway, I left the PT office pain-free and highly hopeful, even though I had to make appointments for twice a week for quite a few weeks. The initial hope faded somewhat when the therapist's recommended sleeping position didn't work and the pain was so bad I could barely get up out of bed again to make it stop. So I tried sleeping on my stomach and still my leg was getting what I call "the tingles" which proceeds a full-blown pain attack. So I got up and sat on a chair for the rest of the night. It was OK, I got some but not a lot of sleep.

My leg is bothering me right now but I suppose that's why they have you go back so many times. Have you ever gone to a physical therapist? Did you have good results?

Where I've been all weekend

http://www.bayfrontblues.com/

And maybe there is hope, here's my latest horoscope, very interesting!

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Why fight for rights that are already yours, Virgo? Why sacrifice yourself for the benefit of people who wouldn't fully appreciate your gifts? And why are you even thinking about dividing when you should be multiplying? Any of these acts would be a crime against yourself. So listen up: You just have to hold out a little longer. If you can avoid running up a big karmic debt in the next few days, if you can refrain from hurting yourself in a misguided attempt to fix situations that can't be fixed, you'll be home free. Soon the whole cast of monsters, demons, and goons will pack up their inane torture devices and go trundling back to the hells where they came from.

Those monsters, demons, and goons can get lost, all right!

Especially for Lisa and anyone else who is interested. VMan sends me these newsletters. I think Rob Brezsny is one of the very best astrologers ever. His site can be found at:

http://www.freewillastrology.com/

Just look up your sign in the horoscope button on the far left at the top.

The less said, the better

Hey, it's been so long that I nearly forgot my password. How have you all been? I have a long list of things that are not going well, in fact, there is scarcely an area of my life that IS going well except the kids are here for the Bayfront Blues Festival. They have a ticket for me, too. As for the long list...sometimes the less said, the better. Have a great weekend!

Thinking about next weekend

Had an open house yesterday, the first with the new listing. Nobody came. The real estate agent is puzzled at that but I'm not. His company doesn't advertise well enough. Only people driving by would even know about the open house. The next open house isn't for another two weeks and he's planning something different for it. He'll try to get together with several agents having open houses in the same area and do some sort of joint advertising. Well, some advertising is better than almost none, I guess!

Oh, I wish I could keep this house. It's just so perfect for me except for being more costly than I can afford! Do you think I should look for a second job? After two years of working two full time jobs, I swore I would never do that again. But it's a thought now. Well, if I could FIND another job. I've gone from getting every job for which I've interviewed to getting an interview--but not the job. I interview even better than before, with experience and practice. But I truly do think age and appearance are counting against me now, for the past few years.

I received a notice from the hospital that my colonoscopy is set for next Monday. I naively thought I'd be able to sort of pick an appointment time, but no, they are assigned. Actually, now that I know the icky details, early Monday morning is a GREAT time to have it! I didn't realize there was some nasty prep work before having this test done. Yesterday I went to the drug store to get their special deal, a 99 cent Sunday newspaper and also picked up the laxatives to take the day before. I've been lucky and never had to take any thing like that--and am not looking forward to this at all.

Then, I had to find a friend to drop me off and come and get me when the test is done. They won't just let you take a bus or a cab to and from the hospital, but require that an adult come to pick you up. Normally, I would have enlisted my son to do that. I guess I took his ready services for airport pickup, lawn duty, grocery carrying in---very much for granted! But I asked SLA when she called me last night, so now I have someone to do this favor for me.

The strange thing is that son and his girlfriend probably will be staying at the house that (next) weekend! There's a big music event going on up here all weekend and her family buys a bunch of tickets for it. She had offered me one but now with the impending test and preparation, I'd probably better not go to the music event. At least not on Sunday! But since I haven't heard from son since I left his place early, maybe they have changed their minds? But I doubt it since they already had the tickets for it. I think I'll be seeing them next weekend and that will be good!

Doctor day

Today I won't be at work much, ha ha. First I have an appointment at the clinic lab to get blood drawn and tested for this and that. It's a fasting draw, so no coffee until it's over. When I called to make the appointment I tried to get in as early as possible.

The medical assistant told me, "There are no early appointments available until next week."

After a brief thought, I asked "And what would be available this week?" because I wanted to get the whole thing over and done. I was a bit miffed that they hadn't done it at my regular appointment but had required another, different appointment for the lab work.

"8:20 AM would be available, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday." she said. So I choose the open Wednesday, which is now today.

Out of curiousity I asked her, "How early are the early appointments next week?"

And she told me, "8:00 AM, we open at 7:30 and 8:00 is the earliest we can book an appointment." So it was a difference of 20 minutes, big whoop. I can go without coffee for an extra 20 minutes, not a huge hardship to just get this over.

Then it will be back to work but not for long. At 11:00 I have an appointment to re-list my house. It's with the same real estate agent. Remind me to tell you about how all of THAT went to lead up to this appointment! I should post bits and pieces of my emails to him, because they're funny--in hindsight. I didn't take a lunch on Monday or Tuesday (I usually don't but this time I am counting it) just in case the appointment runs over a half hour.

Then at 1:00 I have a mammography appointment, and then back to work. Sounds like an exciting, fun-filled day, no? How does your impending day look so far?

A self-indulgent post

Yes, I was supposed to be gone all this weekend, not back until late on Sunday night. But things didn't go as nicely as I had planned, plus I was feeling extra-sensitive for some reason this weekend. I normally am overly sensitive but it turned practically into a depression. I usually can keep my head up and keep swimming despite feeling down or blue. But this weekend I just couldn't, and so instead of writing privately in my notebook journal, as I really ought, I'm being self-indulgent and writing here in the blog.

Let's start at the beginning, and no, I won't bore you with the intricate details but more of an outline form:

(1) I loaded up the washer and dryer into the jeep all by myself. They're apartment-sized, not the full-sized, but the washer is still quite heavy and both of them were rather awkward to fit into the jeep. I also loaded up a bunch of other things, like chairs, golf clubs, vacuum cleaner, full boxes, etc.

(2) No, I shouldn't have done that by myself. I've already been suffering from sciatica, which sounds like a funny little granny ailment but isn't at all funny. The first time I had it I fainted and every time since then have wanted to scream with pain--it's that bad. If you don't know what sciatica is, try looking it up in Google. I did, even though I unfortunately knew what it was. It was reassuring to know that I wasn't being melodramatic in my description which is: like a butcher knife stuck into my thigh and twisted back and forth! On Google I found a diary sort of thing by a young girl who described it almost exactly that way, the way I've been describing it. And others like that, too.

OK, I've already lost the outline form and have gone into those intricate details-- but I bet you aren't that surprised!

(3) I drove down to see son and his girlfriend, stopping on the way to buy the particular fast food that girlfriend loves which isn't available anywhere near where they live. Nobody was home. But they were expecting me and had left the door unlocked. My little ex-dog was glad to see me!

(4) After 5 hours of waiting and boredom I sort of figured I might not be seeing them until the next day, especially because Friday night was the launching of the new Harry Potter book. I had known that they were going to go there shortly before midnight, but didn't know that they weren't going to be there early in the evening to greet me and help unload the jeep (they live on the second floor). I brought up pretty much everything but the washer and dryer, also took the dog for a short walk.

(5) They did finally come home, apologized for the lack of greeting and brought me the brand new Harry Potter book! We talked for about an hour, then went to bed. I got the very comfortable air bed in the spare bedroom.

(6) I got up shortly after 7:00 a.m. and they didn't get up until well after 12 noon. So guess what? More hours of boredom, another short walk for the dog, getting and reading the paper, etc. They had carried the little lamp into their bedroom, so the light wasn't good enough to start reading the Harry Potter book.

(7) By this time my back was killing me and I was feeling very down. I suggested to them that I just wanted to go back home. They were somewhat upset about this but son's girlfriend had to work so we brought her there and came back home. I insisted that he unload the washer and dryer out of the jeep so I could go home when I wanted to leave. He disappeared upstairs (I think to get the dog) but when he didn't return right away, I took both items out of the jeep myself. He did carry them upstairs, though as I couldn't have done that.

(8) Son moved his computer and table into the living room, with my help. I helped him move the TV and entertainment center over to a wall. Then he sat and played on his computer, put the 4th Harry Potter movie in the DVD for me and ate some of the food I'd brought for girlfriend. He (like his girlfriend, earlier) insisted that he wanted me to stay, yet I wasn't feeling very welcome! I found the home-cooked food that I had brought them last time rotting in their refrigerator, so I dumped it out and then washed my dishes. I didn't do up all the dishes lying around nor clean the apartment like I did the last time I visited them.

(9) I left when the movie was done, son carried down my heavy suitcase. Gee, I sure wouldn't have needed all that stuff for one night! While watching the movie I did eat a small pizza (one of those little frozen ones that you bake) all by myself, which wasn't good, but I was hungry by that time. As I was driving the couple of hours to get back home, I did wonder if I had returned to visit them too soon? Yet they had encouraged me to come down again and we had planned the exact date according to their work schedules.

(10) So now I am home again and glad of it, even though it's a day earlier then planned. The real estate guy had left a message on my answering machine about renewing the listing contract. It made me tired to realize that I will have to explain to him why I want to list with another company (his company barely advertised my house).

So, I'm finally done lamenting over my "lost" weekend and ready to go to bed now. I feel much better after writing all this down even if it was quite the "poor me" self-indulgent post! Thanks for reading (if you managed to get this far...!) But hey, I have the new Harry Potter book.

The bright side

Fun, fun, I'm going to the doctor today. I worked a bit extra here and there this week to make up the time in advance at work. It's for the regular check-up thing, but they also run blood tests and stuff, so it will take most of the afternoon.

The former temp was gone Tues afternoon, Wed afternoon and all of yesterday. Yes, she had good reasons to be gone, but it certainly happens a lot! I wouldn't care, but I have to step up and do parts of her job while she's out. For one thing, she's the receptionist, so I have to deal with visitors and deliveries while she's gone. She also mails out packages and such, so I also have to take care of that. Guess I should just be glad that I don't have to do all of that, all of the time, like before we hired her. Oh, and while I'm looking on the bright side here--it's Friday!