Animals and vegetables

We had a good salad last night with cucumbers, tomatoes and green pepper from the garden. One of my cucumbers was growing outside the fence so I had to rescue it before the deer got it. I watched some of the Seinfeld CD I received for my birthday. It’s the fourth season and it’s fun to see the extra bits and deleted scenes.

For the past week or so, since it’s been getting colder at night, I’ve heard a mouse or some sort of little rodent running around in our ceiling crawl space right above my head. I’ve put out live traps with no success. Now, unfortunately I need to take more drastic measures. There’s wiring up there and in the walls. I can’t have the little rodent, no matter how cute, chewing on the wires. It’s dangerous, could cause a fire. So I’m going to set out the mean vicious traps tonight and hope I get it, or them. Sometimes you do what you have to do.

More critters, I have a large spider, as big as an earring (and I like large earrings) in the window next to my right shoulder when I type. I blew on it and it came after me! I was just going to leave it there to combat the flies, which are also coming in from the cold this time of the year. But since there seems to be no flies in the house, the spider is going to go outside! I like spiders but not the aggressive ones who come after me!

I’ve been meaning to post a photo of my little dog. It’s not a great photo, as she looks a bit crabby in the picture. She doesn’t like getting her picture snapped, just like her owner. ---Well so much for the loading of the photo. Tried twice and it didn't work. I'm out of time now and don't have time to write another different post.

From my E-mail
Friendly Dog
At the veterinary clinic a middle-aged man brought in his massive Doberman pinscher to be spayed. As a veterinary assistant, one of Julie’s jobs was to escort the patients into the doctor's office.

Before taking this dog's leash, she glimpsed those large teeth and asked the owner, "Is she friendly?"

"Friendly?" said the man. "Friendly? She's had five litters! How much 'friendlier' than that can she get?"

Goldfish and the Cat
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the tear-streaked youngster was doing, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?"

"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish isn't it?"

Nancy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat!"

The Morning Paper
Nathan asked his wife if she had seen this morning's paper. She said, "Yes, I wrapped the garbage in it--just the local news section, though."

Nathan said, "But...but...I haven't seen it yet!"

She replied, "Oh, you didn't miss much. Just some egg shells, coffee grounds and a few orange peels."

Hope your news is better today, have a good one!

Wingy thingys on the road

Thank you all for the birthday wishes, it's a belated thank you as I should have mentioned it yesterday! I love comments, makes my day!

Yesterday was another busy day at work battling the forces of evil. On the way into town Monday morning, there was a long line of cars on the freeway enter ramp. With flashing lights on a large flatbed trailer, a huge thing that looked like an airplane wing was headed onto the freeway! With great difficulty we lined-up cars managed to get around it. The thing stuck out into the other lane. It did have an “Oversized Load” sign on the back, no kidding! Over-slow load would have been a good sign too. I sped my way into town, having left home later than I should have. Isn’t that the way it goes? The one day I leave for work later than normal is the day for a pokey road hog on the freeway.

I decided to be a bit more careful about the speeding after I saw two cars (in different places) pulled over by the state patrol. Then a bank of brake lights ahead of me again. Oh no, it was the other airplane wing, or whatever they were, taking up both lanes on the freeway and cruising at the whipping speed of 40 mph! I turned my already loud radio up ever louder to combat the stress of possibly being late to work, me, who’s always early to the office!

The airplane wing and flatbed truck took a right onto the bridge along with the obnoxious blinking entourage. The accompanying vehicles had out-of-state license plates like Illinois and Florida. I got a good look at the place where the wing-thing would connect to an airplane and it sort of looked like a computer printer cord, except round. It was the oddest looking thing. I’m not sure it WAS an airplane wing but the first one looked just like it, so there was a set of two of the thingys. What do you suppose they were?

from my E-mail(some seem familiar, might have posted them before)
Oneliners
The Government wants more money? Why don't they try selling candy bars like the Boy Scouts do?

Many people will spend the summer occupied with fishing and politics. In fishing you use a worm, and in politics a worm uses you.

A person that learns from their mistakes is smart. A person that learns from other people's mistakes is smarter.

Why be difficult? Put some effort in and be impossible.

I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.

I'm learning to speak Spanish by calling my bank and pressing the #2 button.

It takes less time to do something right than to explain why you did it wrong.

The things you tell your teenagers don't reach them 'til they're in their 40s.

He who lives without discipline dies without honor.

I have a speech impediment . . . my foot.

I need some duck tape . . . my duck has a quack in it

I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for it.

The more you say, the less people remember.

98% of the time I am right. Why worry about the other 3%.

With proper diet, rest, and exercise a healthy body will last a lifetime.

Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.

Practice courtesy. You never know when it might become popular again.

Any sports fan can tell you the most brutal thing about professional football is the price of the tickets.

It's discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.

The measure of success is not how much money you have in the bank, but rather how much money the bank will lend you.

The real goal is to be rich the moment after you die.

Anyone who starts a sentence "With all due respect..." is about to insult you.

Don't count your fish until they're on dry land.

Don't judge, you idiot.

Marriage is like a tourniquet; it stops your circulation.

Everything on land is within walking distance.

The road to success is marked with many tempting parking places.

We're not truly happy until we focus on others.

Sarcasm: an ingenious way of making intelligent people feel stupid.

Love isn't blind . . . it just has Attention Deficit Disorder.

Life is a bowl of cherries . . . overpriced and only available at certain times.

A lot of good-looking faces are wasted on ugly people.

Funny that most of our best-sellers are written at a 9th-grade reading level.

Small talk is one step down from no talk.

If it weren't for humor, we might never get at the truth.

To understand politics, we must read between the lies.

Monday, yawn

Yawn, I'm pretty tired this morning. Not only is it Monday morning but my son woke me up about four times last night with reports about the hurricane. He and Pseudo Son are very interested in weather and the hurricane is interesting and terrible. I hope it will miss doing damage to New Orleans or to anywhere and go and die out in a swamp or something. I'm hoping that someday soon scientists will be able to use some sort of an energy force and neutralize these destructive storms.

Well, I had a great birthday yesterday and scored some really good loot, although that’s not what it’s all about! While I was out visiting with my Mom, my younger brother phoned her. He and his family are coming up to see Mom next weekend. I haven’t seen them since Christmas, so hope when I come out next Sunday they still will be there. My other brother is in France with his family. And it’ll be fun to see their photos when they return.

Younger brother is still competitive with me, I can’t understand why; he’s surpassed me in just about every measurable way: longevity of marriage, production of children, size of house, and especially—income. He was telling me how many hours he works, making sure it was more than my hours. Yeah, I know he works a lot. I used to work two full-time jobs until I wised up and realized that I had to fit a life in there somewhere too. But I didn’t argue or say anything, I just listened. It works the best to get him to change the subject when he doesn’t get a one-up or a rise out of me! It’s only been the last ten years or so that we haven’t fought like cats and dogs every time we get together! Might be why I don’t see him or his family much.

I’ve been tagged by Aims at Clutter’s Blog for the Triple Threat Meme:

3 Screen names I've had so far
1. PBS
2. my other one that I never want coupled with my new one! (Bosszila googles us!)
3. that's all, hopefully no new future blogs will be necessary

3 Physical things I like about myself
1. face
2. eyes
3. hair

3 Physical things I don't like about myself
1. fingernails
2. belly
3. feet

3 Parts of my heritage
(there ARE only 3 parts)
1. French
2. Irish
3. German

3 Things I am wearing right now
1. nightgown
2. bare feet
3. nothing else

3 Favorite Bands/Musical Artists
(this changes, these are what I’m currently listening to)
1. Seether
2. Shinedown
3. 3 Doors Down

3 Things I want in a relationship
1. a guy who loves me deeply
2. a man who listens and can converse intelligently
3. a guy who loves to go places and do new things, not a stay-at-home slug-type

2 Truths and a Lie
1. I’m a true Virgo
2. I used to work for a police department
3. I’m secretly married. (OK, none of these are truths, what does that say about me?!)

3 Things about the preferred sex that appeal to me
1. wit and intelligent conversation
2. good listener as well as an entertaining talker
3. kindness—to everyone and every thing

3 Favorite Hobbies
1. new experiences
2. writing and reading
3. nature and gardening

3 Things I want to do badly right now
1. change jobs
2. have more free time, less work
3. spend time with Vegetable Man

3 Things that scare me
1. violence
2. injuries to others or to myself
3. senseless cruelty

3 Of my everyday essentials
1. my journel notebook
2. my portable bottled water
3. my friends! (including blogging friends, of course!)

3 Careers I have considered or am considering
1. Ad writer
2. full time farmer
3. social worker

3 Places I want to go on vacation
1. England
2. France
3. Italy or Spain

3 Things I want to do before I die
1. have more experiences
2. meet more people
3. make more friends

3 Ways I am stereotypically a boy
1. love football and beer
2. I like to keep things simple and uncomplicated
3. I love really rockin’ music!

3 Ways I am stereotypically a girl
1. I can be very emotional
2. I can change my mind very suddenly, like instantaneously!
3. I love scents and nice, pretty things

3 Celeb Crushes
(and I thought it was difficult to pick just seven…!)
1. Matthew McConaughey
2. David Duchovny
3. Rob Lowe

3 People I want to tag for this meme:
1.people who want to do this
2.people with interesting confessions to make
3.people who respond to the count of 1, 2, 3…

from my E-mail
Cheaper Perfume
After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.00.

"That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. "That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.

Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle. "What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."

The clerk handed him a mirror.

Optometrist
We were helping customers when the store optometrist walked by and flirted with a co-worker. Of course, we all had to stop what we were doing to tease her. But she quickly dismissed the notion of a budding romance.

"Can you imagine making out with an optometrist?" she asked. "It would always be, 'Better like this...or like this?'"

(borrowed from Reader's Digest)


Have a great Monday!

A Sunday mix

Yesterday turned out pretty well even though even the Scone Club meeting fell through too! At first it seemed it was going to be nothing but a doomed day, but picked up later when Pseudo Son (who had basically lived with us for six years in the old, big house in town) came over for my birthday and we all watched a movie he had just bought, “Sin City” I loved it! It’s a violent but elegant movie taken from a comic. I loved the stylized shots and the quotes. Probably you’ve already seen it.

We also had fast food, my first in ages and some chips and dip, something I’ve also stayed away from for the past couple of months. But I didn’t overindulge, was just moderately bad. It’s funny, but not drinking as much coffee and taking different sorts of vitamins have really made a difference in cravings and hunger. I used to be hungry a lot, I’m not anymore, and that’s good.

I finished "The Girls Guide to Hunting and Fishing" by Melissa Bank. It was a good read, but didn’t evolve as much as I had hoped and the ending seemed a rather quick wrap-up. Oh well, I enjoyed reading it and there’s a used copy at Amazon for .22! Of course you’d need to pay shipping and handling but I have purchased books that inexpensively from Amazon many times. But the BEST way is to borrow the book! The copy I read was borrowed from somebody at work. Now I'm bringing it and "The Little White Car" to my Mom to read.

We all went shopping yesterday too, and I bought my Mom flowers, red roses (whose suggestion was that? It was in a comment, thanks!) and two weird jigsaw puzzles one with orchids. She likes the unusual and difficult ones that take even her a long time to put together. Again, I just couldn’t sleep in today. Woke up early but at least not as early as yesterday!

Off to enjoy my (our) birthday with my Mom. Have a nice Sunday!

Your Birthdate: August 28

Your birth on the 28th day of the month (1 energy) adds a tone of independence and extra energy to your Life Path. The number 1 energy suggest more executive ability and leadership qualities than your path may have indicated. A birthday on the 28th of any month gives greater will power and self-confidence, and very often a rather original approach. Unlike much of the other 1 energy, this birthday is one that endow with the ability to start a job and continue on until it is finished. You may prefer to use the broad brush, but you can handle details as well. You are sensitive, but your feelings stay somewhat repressed. You have a compelling manner that can be dominating in many situations.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

from my E-mail
The Secret to Success
Two old friends met one day after many years. One had graduated from college, but never had much ambition. The other had not attended college and now was very successful.

The college guy, impressed with his friend's success, said, "How has everything been going with you?"

"Well, one day I opened the Bible at random, and dropped my finger on a word and it was oil. So, I invested in oil, and boy, did the oil wells gush. Then another day I dropped my finger on another word and it was gold. So, I invested in gold and those mines really produced. Now, I'm almost as rich as Bill Gates."

The financially-constrained friend was so impressed that he rushed to his hotel, grabbed a Gideon Bible, flipped it open, and dropped his finger on a page. He opened his eyes and his finger rested on the words, "Chapter Eleven."

Yeah, it's Saturday

Got my plane tickets for DC. The time went by so fast, in three weeks we're going to Washington for our first event! Hope my boss and co-workers will be nicer this time, but I'm not holding my breath. I am, however, bringing more money with me this time, just in case.

I love Washington DC and really wanted to take a day or so of vacation time and see some of the things I haven't seen yet, like the Spy Museum and the new Smithsonian on native culture. I even offered the trip to a couple of people, they would just need to pay their own plane fare, food and miscellaneous--a pretty cheap trip, considering. But I had no takers so first I was going to stay out there alone but later decided not to spend the extra money. I just bought this new computer and anything else had better be REALLY fun (or absolutely necessary!) if I'm going to spend money on it! Very sad to go to a place I love and see it from the plane window, the cab window and the hotel window, oh well.

Yesterday was raining and I was very down. Normally I like rain and "weather" especially walking in the rain, but the day just seemed to match my mood. I'm still kind of low and crabby today and it looks like it may be another "poor me" sort of a day! Guess I'm am incurable optimist that I always very much look forward to my birthday, and can barely wait for the day itself to arrive. This year no cool plans have shaped up, have one card so far from some friends who are out of town this weekend. There was an interesting event that they and I were going to attend today, guess not, since they are out of town.

I don't know why most people don't like to go to things like interesting events. Since I've gotten older, it's like pulling teeth to find people who want to go to some of the neat events we have around here. Sure, I could go by myself, have done that more than a few times in the past. But I'm tired of it; it just isn't the same and isn't all that fun. The bigger part of the joy of attending events is to go with some other fun person! Oh well, for my actual birthday, tomorrow, I'm going out to my Mom's to have our joint celebration. Her birthday is this coming Wednesday, only a couple of days away from mine so we always celebrate them both together. I think that's what happens when people get a bit older; their family is their main source of social life and they don't seem to have time or energy for much else. So no wonder I have trouble recruiting people to go to events (they always have fun if they go, though!).

Well, enough of the "poor me" already! At least the Scone Club is today, buying my Mom a nice present or two and maybe finishing a great book that I'm reading, "The Girl's Guide to Hunting and Fishing" by Melissa Bank. I just finished the book "The Little White Car" by Danuta De Rhodes, about a girl who thinks that she accidentally killed Princess Diana. It's a strange but simple book, an easy read. Not sure how to describe it, or whether to recommend it to friends, as it's not really comparable to any other book I've read! Someone has also loaned me "The Full Cupboard of Life" by Alexander McCall Smith. It's one of the "The No.1 Ladies' Detective Agency" books, about a woman who starts a detective agency in Africa. I love them! I used to read pretty much only non-fiction but in the past few years have borrowed and read some great (or at least greatly entertaining) fiction books.

from my E-mail
This one, or versions of it has been around for awhile
Funny Insurance Claims
1.) "The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind." "I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."

2.)"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realized the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."

3.)Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus?

4.)The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.

5.)"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."

6.)"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."

7.)"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"

8.)"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."

9.)"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."

10.)"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again."

11.) "I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."

12.) "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."

13.)"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."

14.) "A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face."

15.)"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car."

16.)"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

17.) "I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."

18.)"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."

19.)"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."

20.)"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."

21.)"Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."

22.)"I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it."

23.)"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

24.)"I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."

25.)"As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before."

26.) "To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian."

27.)"My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle."

28.)"I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull."

29.)"I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."

30.)"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him."

31.)"I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car."

32.)"The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."

33.)"The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end."

34.)"The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing. "

35.) "I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way."

36.)"I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before."

37.) "When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car."

38.)"The accident happened when the right front door of a car came round the corner without giving a signal."

39.)"No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert."

40.)"I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries."

41.)"The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him."

42.)"I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact."

43.)"The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle."

45.)"My car got hit by a submarine." (The Navy informed the wife of a submariner that the craft was due in port. She drove to the base to meet her husband and parked at the end of the slip where the sub was to berth. An inexperienced ensign was conning the sub and it rammed the end of the slip, breaking a section away, causing her car to fall into the water. The Navy paid the compensation claim.

Whew, those are almost too much/too many to read and enjoy all at one time. Have a super Saturday!

An empty weekend?

Finished my morning shower and am now eating the remaining strawberries while making tea. I make two pots for my son each day and refrigerate them. I drink most of my daily tea at work, now that I have but one cup of coffee. Am drinking (and savoring, because it's the first and last cup I'll get today!) right now.

Friday at last! This started out to be a pretty quick week but then began to lag in the middle. Coincidentally this coincided with no new visits to the farm! Vegetable Man and I are on drastically different work schedules and live some distance apart. Nightly rendezvous are out of the question. Once or twice a week will probably be it for connecting frequency.

So my ambitious plans for this weekend are to catch up on my sleep, buy a great birthday gift for my Mom and meet with the Scone Club on Saturday. I hope Vegetable Man fits in there somewhere, not sure yet.

The season certainly is changing. Now I'm sorry that I ever complained about those hot days! Where did they go? It's cooler and windy, feels like autumn. I want summer back!

This joke reminded me of when I lived in Florida and got stopped twice for speeding within a short amount of time (and only warned each time). Good thing it wasn't the same State Trooper each time!

from my E-mail
Still a quick thinker
A senior citizen in Florida bought a brand new Mercedes convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head.

"This is great," he thought as he roared down I-75. He pushed the pedal to the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. "I can get away from him with no problem"thought the man and he tromped it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph.

Then 110, 120 mph! Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing." He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him. The trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up to the man "Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The man looked at the trooper and said, "Years ago my wife ran off with a Florida state trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back." The trooper replied, "Sir, have a nice day."

Pah! This is a boring post, sorry. Work is still hellish and not much to look forward to this weekend. Do you have some great plans for this weekend? I hope so, and hope I get to read all about them. Have a good one!

Blog anniversary

It's my blog anniversary today. No, not this blog--the other, spied upon one that I had to discontinue. A year ago I timidly started writing my journal online instead of in a notebook. And quickly found that writing a blog was NOT the same as keeping a (private) journal and resumed my notebook and ink journaling. I've been doing both and they complement each other, one very private and the other social and revealing.

I have been trying to get more exercise and succeeded yesterday. I walked up the hill to my parked car twice last night! Here’s the sad story:

I had a busy day at day, doing battle with the consultant company that it’s my responsibility to manage—and they have been a handful. I was tired, and a bit sad too, no Vegetable Man visitation tonight. I missed him already! So walked up the hill to my car, opened the door, climbed in, and put the key into the ignition. I tried to turn the key and it wouldn’t budge! The car was hot from sitting out in the sun all day long. I was parked in a rather bad downtown neighborhood and sleezy-looking guys were staring at me from doorways. I started sweating both from the heat of the car and from panic. The key wouldn’t turn, the steering wheel seemed locked. I racked my brain, having heard something about how to release it, and tried several things. Nothing worked.

Windows still up and doors locked, I flipped through the car’s owner’s manual from the glove box trying to figure out how to unlock the steering wheel. I couldn’t find anything and remembered that the little service station a block away from work might still be open, if I hurried.

I walked back down the hill to the service station. The owners, a man and his wife were still at their desk finishing up paperwork. I asked them about it and they told me that I had to yank hard on the steering wheel in the direction the wheels were turned while trying to turn the key. I thanked them and headed back up the hill. It worked like a charm when I tried it and I felt a bit foolish for having to ask, but how would I have known? I had tried yanking on the wheel and then turning the key and various other things with no success. It was the simultaneous actions that did the trick. Then I drove home and made dinner with some of the new potatoes from Vegetable Man, played with the animals and caught up (a bit) with my negligent blog reading.

from my E-mail
Children’s Vision
HONESTY My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.

KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt! MORE

NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

BIBLE A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called out." What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear

Making a mark

Yesterday at work the lawyer’s office next door needed a witness to the signing of a codicil. That happens every once in a while and reminds me of when I worked in a legal office in Florida. There, two attorneys with two different offices worked side by side at a small office mall. The other secretary and I, often alone in our respective offices, did wills and codicils for clients and needed each other as witnesses.

Anyway, yesterday I went over to the office next door and was introduced to the clients, an elderly man and his wife. The man was amending his will and was seated in front of the big lawyerly desk in a wheel chair, with his well-dressed wife by his side. The legal secretary read him just a part of the will (he had read through the rest) and presented it for him to sign. His wife sprang to attention and put the pen into his hand, he still couldn’t hold it. She tried putting the pen between other of his fingers and that didn’t work either. He didn’t have the strength in his hand to hold on to the pen. The secretary told her clients, “Just a moment” and we all (secretary, her assistant and I) left the room and went into their legal library to look up the law on signing a will. In Florida any mark so witnessed was a legal signature, but this is in a different state and I’ve never been a legal secretary here. Turns out that the law was the same here, any voluntary mark, even assisted (as in guiding the hand) if witnessed by two people was a legal signature.

So we went back into the room and the secretary asked him to sign. “But I can’t” the old man said, very sadly. The secretary told them that his wife could help him, so she did, for both required signatures. It took a long time even with a guiding hand from his wife, the assistant held the paper down so it wouldn’t slide. The poor man was exhausted from his effort of making two little marks on the papers.

The rest of the day, even though it was busy, I thought about that man. He wasn’t able to walk. He wasn’t able to move his hands. I wondered what his days were like. What did he do all day, what did he do for fun, what did he enjoy? Was his wife the one who fed him, since he obviously could not feed himself. Was she the one who cleaned him up in the bathroom? I hoped she had help to assist her with all of the work, and all of the heavy lifting and transferring. I thought of my Dad’s last, long days and the fact that he didn’t want anyone but my Mom taking care of him. It wore her out and ruined her health.

And why was he changing his will? Was he adding someone in, or cutting someone out of his inheritance? Was this wife a second wife being added to the will so his children would not get all of the inheritance and leave her with none. She had seemed rather pleased with the proceedings. Why was he messing with his will at all? Was he diagnosed terminal, like my Dad, or did he just want to die and leave his poor immobile body behind and was hoping this act of acquiescence would hurry the process. Maybe changing his will was one of the only acts he could yet perform to feel that he still had movement in this world. All day, I wondered.

Switching gears, I received my new driver’s license in the mail Monday night. It isn’t the worst I’ve had, but it’s still quite unflattering. It’s not even laminated and is made of cardboard. But it certainly came quickly, the last driver’s license took weeks to arrive in the mail.

The return visit to the farm last night was lovely. It took me an hour and fifteen minutes to drive there. That’s counting the two times I had to backtrack and find the right way! Also there was road construction on the freeway part which was slow going. Guess I won’t be driving out there every day after work! Especially with the price of gas, filled up the Jeep for $40! Vegetable man works evenings, so it's better for me to come back home and not stay over. Plus I have pets to care for and my son works irregular, long hours.

So it’s Wednesday already? This seems to be a fast week. Have a great day!

from my E-mail
Those Urban Legends Will Get You

Chain Letters
I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your chain letters over the past two years. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your concern.......

--- I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

--- I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

--- I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

--- I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

--- I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

--- I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

--- I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

--- I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our troops.

--- I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

--- I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

--- I no longer go to bars because someone will drug me and take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

--- Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to 7 of my friends and make a wish within 5 minutes.

--- I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who has been dying for the past seven years.

--- I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

--- Now to Return the Favor: If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will fly over your head at 5:00 PM and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin, and he's a lawyer. So you'd better get going on that e-mail!!!

Beets come back

SLA (she who loves animals) came over to visit me last night. She brought a whole lot of books (which I can bring out to my Mom’s next Sunday), an ironing board and some shelves. I’m trying to take whatever she offers me, in case this horrible home-losing thing doesn’t go through against her. Then she can have all of her stuff back. It was so heart-wrenching, wish there was something I could do. She cried and spilled her beer all over the photos of her new little grandson. Life just keeps getting worse for her, why is that? It makes me mad, and really, really sad for her.

I didn’t tell her about my re-connection, just that I had visited Vegetable Man out at his farm. She knows him quite well, too, back from when he and I were engaged. I’m a bit nervous to tell my friends. It’s been such a long time that we’ve only been friends that my friends are all very used to only seeing him in that way, because I did. Whatever changed my mind about him, I don’t know. I secretly think that I’ve always loved him a little even while we were strictly friends! He’s always been the epitome of the (near) perfect man to me.

So why did we ever separate way back then? He and my son didn’t get along well at all (ironically, they did when my son got older, but he and I were only friends by then) and it created a stressful, unpleasant situation. And a mother is going to choose her child even over someone she loves, not that there was ever an ultimatum about it or anything. My son had already been through enough and didn’t need extra stress, so we split up and a few months later (because we missed each other’s company!) got back together as friends only.

Yesterday my former co-worker friend (from another company, when I used to work there) and I had lunch. She had the entire summer off and has just gone back to work this week, lucky duck! I did tell her about the re-connection and she was happy for me. We caught up about happenings over the summer (I hadn’t seen her since June) and it was a great little lunch to make my day!

Oooh, guess where I’m going after work! How will I ever concentrate at work today? And it’s been so hectic and busy, too.

The normal freeway exit to the little village that leads to the farm will be closed, so he gave me an alternate route. Hope I don’t get lost or anything. I’ve been somewhat of an airhead over all of this. I roasted the beets he gave me and put them in a lemon/orange/wine vinegar/olive oil dressing according to a new recipe I tried out last night. Some of them will return with me to the farm.

From my E-mail
Things That Drive a Sane Person Mad

-You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them.

-The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle.

-The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.

-There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address.

-You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.

-There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.

-You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.

-Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to get a reading.

-A station comes in brilliantly when you're standing near the radio but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away.

-There are always one or two ice cubes that won't pop out of the tray.

-You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint.

-The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.

-A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling (or braces).

-You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am.

-The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that song.

-You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.

-People behind you on a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up.

-Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire.

-You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don't know how to spell it.

-You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just browsing.

-You had that pen in your hand only a second ago and now you can't find it.

-You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash your head on the way up.

Today’s Question: Provided that you ARE a sane person, what drives you mad?

The OMG post

What a great day, even though it’s a Monday. Hope your weekend was as good as mine, plus it’s PAYDAY today! And the car insurance and mortgage are due soon.

Today is kind of an OMG post, as in—I actually blogged about that! And am I totally crazy, demented and loca? Or was it more nuts to have refused it when solicited throughout the past many years! What have I done now, was going for it the right thing to do?

OK, deep breath and calmed down a bit again, this is a good development, right? How does/will/might this change things? What may seem to be the start of something to one person may only be a pleasant incident to another! (ouch!) So many question marks, so little time. And no answers yet.

I’m getting ready for the week of work, hope you have a Friday sort of a Monday!

From my E-mail
This seems rather familiar. Have I posted it before, or just read it elsewhere? In too much of a confused daze today to figure it out….
Interesting Unofficial Laws
But they're true...
"The Law of Volunteering" If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.

"The Law of Avoiding Oversell"When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.

"The Law of Reality" Never get into fights with ugly people; they have nothing to lose.

"The Law of Self Sacrifice" When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.

"Weiler's Law" Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

"Law of Probable Dispersal" Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

"Law of Volunteer Labor" People are always available for work in the past tense.

"Conway's Law" In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.

"Iron Law of Distribution" Them that has, gets.

"Law of Cybernetic Entomology" There is always one more bug.

"Law of Drunkenness" You can't fall off the floor.

"Heller's Law" The first myth of management is that it exists.

"Osborne's Law" Variables won't; constants aren't.

"Main's Law" For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

"Weinberg's Second Law" If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization

Veggies!

Was it only Tuesday that I wrote the post on My Foolish Heart? (Which I tried to link, but it didn't work.) Now I’m debating, how much do I want to tell? First, we’ll start off with the plans that didn’t go right.

Saturday I watered and played around in the garden and with the animals in the morning. Called and received calls from the members of the “scone club” (think I’ll just call them that, now that you know the history behind it) and some could meet early and others only late. So greedy me, who wanted to see ALL of my friends decided to straddle both groups. I went to our coffee shop meeting place early to meet with the early ones and stayed until the later friends could come. It was great and I got to hear about all sort of work troubles, which seem to be rampant nowadays and tell about my Friday night dinner. But it was pretty late by the time I got back home again.

I had made a quick call before leaving, to my friend couple who were going to the fair. I called them again when I got back home and left another voice message. Then I called Vegetable Man. He was out in his gardens, of course, and wondering where I was! Suddenly I remembered that I had been supposed to call around noon and go out there in the afternoon while coming back from the fair. Somehow, in the busyness of the week, I had forgotten what we had decided. I also was a bit nervous about going out there, even though I love to see him. There was still no mention of his live-in girlfriend. I normally am very punctual and also don’t forget to call when I’m supposed to call! I think I was really afraid of being disappointed and vulnerable.

He was disappointed that I hadn’t called earlier and wanted to set a different time and day, but after talking a bit, we decided to just do it that day, sort of as originally planned. Still no mention of the live-in girlfriend. I threw a pair of jeans, a sweatshirt, some shoes and socks (was wearing shorts and sandals) into the car along with insect repellant and was on my way.

The place is so familiar to me, and yet remote, it makes my country place seem like a suburb. We walked down to the pond he had dug a few years ago. I remember when that pond was a great idea in his head and the area was full of brush and trees. Now it was manifest, out of his imagination and sketches into reality. The walk-around was like that many times, the things we had talked of, had dreamed of doing were out there in reality. We had hugged upon meeting and hugged again down by the pond. I was getting vibes from him but was thinking maybe they were wishful (on my part) vibes!

He started picking vegetables for me and got a sack to put them in. The 16-year old “puppy” I had once given him came out of the house to greet me. I was admiring his garden and him too, he’s a runner and a cyclist, tall, lean and built! Remember the “Seven List” with the “Seven things that attract you to the opposite sex”? He fits every one of the seven, plus he’s hot, which I hadn’t mentioned in that list! He made a comment about being sad and lonely. I think my heart stopped right there, but I asked in a quiet voice “Why is that?” Turns out he and live-in girlfriend have been separated for awhile, and a couple of weeks ago called it quits.

Well, don’t know if I want to go into great detail as to the rest of my visit, but if this was one of those old-timey romance novels (you know, the sweet and innocent kind not the bodice-ripper ones) the narration would go something like this: “Reader, he seduced me with flowers.” And it’s true, they were beautiful sensual flowers plucked from his garden, some had heavenly scents, weird suggestive shapes or velvety petals. Lying naked in the lush green grass, looking up at the sky, the tickle of a breeze, the sound of the birds, feeding each other raw fruits and vegetables (and laughing about it) from the garden, well…you get the picture. Did I get my vegetables? That would be a yes!.

From my E-mail
Sunday School
Mrs. Richards was testing the children in her Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. She asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, Would that get me into Heaven?"

"NO!" the children answered. "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?" Again, the answer was, "NO!"

By now Mrs. Richards was starting to smile. These kids had really been paying attention in her class! "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?" she asked them again. Again, they all answered, "NO!"

She was just bursting with pride for them. "Well," she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?" A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!!!"

Oh what a night!

Wow, last night was pretty fun, even though I was out with least-favorite co-worker, big boss, and bosszila! The Congressman, his aide and a neutral co-worker were also there. I had rushed home and took care of the animals, also checked some blogs! Guess I should have been prettying up instead, as the three other woman had gone home and made themselves into dinner-dates. Oh well, I had worn a decent outfit to work and so just took off my jacket and pulled back my hair.

The setting was in a plushy “good old boys” type of restaurant. We had a table in the middle of the room. Least-favorite, Neutral and I were seated at the table first. The other woman had some wine, which may account for their boldness and bragging later. Big boss came and sat by me. He’s been solicitous since my office melt-down. Maybe it pays to be a sissy-wimp? Still, I’d rather the whole thing hadn’t happened! Lastly Bosszila came and sat by Least-favorite, her little office pal (and snitch).

Oh you should have seen the stir in that restaurant when the Congressman and his aide came in—and they sat at our table! I felt like a celebrity. The waitpersons, who had already been pretty attentive snapped to attention. People were trying to catch his (and our) every word politely from their own table. But there were a few who just had to come up and talk to him. He was great, warm-hearted and open with everyone, and finally the others left him alone so we could have him to ourselves!

You never heard such bragging as that going on (and on!) at our table! Neutral co-worker and Least-favorite were dropping names, mentioning activities they had done/been into. Least-favorite would even interrupt the Congressman to be sure to get in her every point. At first she was rather entertaining, but soon turned to obnoxiousness. Bosszila also mentioned some history but spent most of her time making cute poses. If you’ve read my blog(s) you can pretty much guess what I did—sat and listened to every word! Big boss did pretty much the same thing, and he is the one who knows the Congressman best.

And the Congressman was fascinating. I could have listened to him all night. He had tales of Congress and White House happenings, had a story about the cute verbal exchange of Bush and he when the President signed our bill in Chicago. (The dinner was a thank-you for that.) Later he told some stories about his grandchildren, because Bosszila had showed him a photo of her kids (yes, they’re adorable, poor things!) but it wasn’t boring, like usual stories about “my kids”. That man can tell a really good story, he had us laughing all the way through the dinner. What a great entertainer! Maybe he missed his calling…

Speaking of missing his calling, I might have had a political career of sorts. No, not as a candidate, as I’m not quick-thinking and outgoing enough for that. Some years ago when I was still active in the party, I was elected the Secretary of the party in our city. It was no small honor, as we’re the third largest city in the state and the party is well-known and active here. In the huge school gymnasium filled with people, I got to walk down to the podium. I also was elected a state delegate at the caucus. It broke my heart to have to turn them both down a week later! I was working two full-time jobs then and could not possibly squeeze it anything like that, with all the meetings and the travel required. But for a week I had tried to fit it in, and then realized it wasn’t fair to the party and resigned both honors, sniff. I haven’t been active since. Whew, I just had to get that out—having restrained myself from any bragging at the dinner!

Oh, and as long as I’m bragging (uh oh, you're thinking...), the Congressman and his aide knew me by name (but maybe had been coached?) and the Congressman gave me a warm hug as we were leaving, in which I told him “Thanks for being our champion!” in his ear. It’s my third hug from him, and yes, I’m counting! When we were in Washington DC we had visited his office and he’s come to our office, too. And no, he doesn't know anything about my past party activities. What an exciting night last night was!

from my E-mail
Tail Light
"How long have you been driving without a tail light?" asked the policeman after pulling over a motorist.

The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car and gave a long, painful groan. He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit.

"Come on, now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. It isn't that serious."

"It isn't?" cried the motorist. "Then you know what happened to my boat and trailer?"

What problems?

I'm eating a handful of raspberries while typing this, yum. I didn't used to like raspberries when I was a kid. Not to gross you out or anything, but there was the worm factor. I wasn't afraid of worms or anything, just didn't want to accidentally EAT them! Like broccoli, raspberries from the garden have "extras" on them. But nowadays regular fresh food from the store probably has been sprayed with poisons so it's not a problem--except those sprays aren't good for us, either!

Hmmm what to wear to work today? It’s a casual Friday, so usually it’s jeans. But we’re going to a special dinner at a nice place with a VIP later tonight, so should I dress up a bit? Yeah, probably. I’ll wear a normal day’s outfit, not a casual Friday outfit.

Last night I stopped for groceries on the way home and they “only” came to $60-some, that’s lower than it’s been lately, have gone up into the $80s and $90s per trip this year. Then did the garbage and recycling, put the ferrets outside to play, started to cook dinner while making blog rounds! I hate having to do it so late in the day! It was sure nice to visit blogs early and off and on throughout the day. Commenting so late often ends up with me saying “I agree with ___” or “ditto” it’s nice to be one of the first commenters!

Cooked dinner and ate, then did dishes and cooked some more to put in the fridge (along with the leftovers from the first batch) for my son to eat later. Had a glass of wine for dessert while blogging, as I sometimes do! As for my previously mentioned problems at work, what problems (see joke, below)?

From my E-mail
Tough Exam
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.

Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"

Things Your Mother Probably Would Not Say…
-- Yeah, I used to cut class a lot too.

-- Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day.

-- That outfit isn't sexy enough, here, unbutton your blouse.

-- Sure, just drink out of the milk(or juice) carton, it saves dishes!

-- That's OK when you are in the bathroom for over an hour every morning, we know how
important your appearance is to you. We can wait.

-- Why don't you hitchhike? It would totally be cheaper.

-- Or, you can use the car to go out and have fun, we just use it for work, how boring!

-- You have a cool boyfriend/girlfriend, he/she's totally hot.

-- The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here.

-- You will be out all night? Don't do anything I wouldn't do!

-- Don't clean your room so often. It makes the rest of the house look bad.

-- Can I borrow your new music CDs?

-- Naw, you don't have to call me, I'll eventually figure it out if you're in trouble.

--Clean underwear? It doesn't matter.

Smile, you're on candid camera

Nothing too interesting to talk about today. Last night I walked up the hill to my parked car and then raced to the DMV. They took my picture and wouldn’t let me see it! I have a feeling it’s bad, like usual. When I asked about it, the guy said, “It looks just like you.” If it looks horrible (like I think it will) I’m going to want to kill that guy!

Don’t you HATE it when people say that? My family used to love to take candid shots, you know the kind when you’re chewing or blinking or otherwise look terrible. They wanted “real” photos, but I’d like to at least be able to comb my hair. And when I protested at the gruesome results they would say “But it looks just like you!” Well, thanks a lot! I’ve not allowed family members to take pictures of me for years now!

There are few baby or toddler photos of me but they are: naked, wet sopping pants, or a icky dirty face—totally disgusting pictures, not cute. I don’t think that’s what people want to see when they think of candid shots.

Friday night I won’t be able to go out with my friends. For work we are having a dinner and meeting with a US congressman! It should be kind of fun even though my co-workers will also be there. Maybe if it doesn’t run too late I can meet up with friends after it.
Well, anyway, have a great Thursday!

From my E-mail
Funny Signs
Spotted in a toilet of a London (UK) office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

My wild trip to the DMV

My birthday is coming up soon. This year it means that I need to renew my driver’s license. I haven’t done it yet because I needed the DL for my recent travel for work. So yesterday I decided I’d better get it done.

That darn Department of Motor Vehicles office keeps moving around, I wasn’t sure exactly where it was located now. My son said it was near the Mall but we also had gone to the one in the western part of town when we transferred his car title and he renewed his driver’s license. A quick look through the phone book didn’t help, the listings were outdated, no addresses were listed and nobody answered the phone.

So after work I climbed the hill to where my car was parked and hurried out west. I didn’t have the exact closing time of the office but knew that they are NEVER open very late! I drove on the freeway towards home and took the proper exit. The parking lot was pretty full so I had to park and walk. As I approached the glass door I saw a sign and my heart sank. “Notice: We only handle titles here and no longer process driver’s licenses at this location. Please go to ____.” By this time it was 4:20 p.m. and while no times were listed, I was pretty sure this other location would not be open much longer, if it wasn’t closed already.

I pulled out of the parking lot and on to the main road. There was road construction most of the way, with one lane outlined by orange barrels (thinking of that Bob and Tom song "Orange Barrels") and city buses stopping at every block. It was a nightmare to navigate through it quickly! I darted around the buses, went through three red lights (were yellow when I started and I was not about to stop!) dipped into part of the construction and generally drove in a crazy and unsafe manner to try to reach the office in time. There has to be an irony there somewhere; driving like a maniac to renew my driver's license!

And it was in vain, of course. I arrived at 4:33 and the place closes at 4:30. A man was locking the door when I came running up. He very nicely got me an application so at least I can have a head start tomorrow after work! And knowing where to go will help too. I think I can make it in time next tonight.

I’ve seen this on a couple of blogs and decided to do it today:

Seven things that scare you:
1. What happens after we die
2. Random violence
3. Deliberate cruelty
4. The dark side
5. The thought of losing someone I love
6. Loved ones getting sick, hurt or dying
7. Extreme uncontrolled anger from others

Seven things you like the most:
1. The smell, taste and feel of fresh air
2. The lap of waves and the sun shining on the water
3. Laughing with a loved one or good friend
4. Lying down to rest after a really good day
5. Finding out something interesting and new
6. Checking out a new (to me) place
7. Talking or writing, and exchanging ideas

Seven important things in your bedroom:
1. My gorgeous and comfortable rattan antique couch (don’t have a bed)
2. A painting of water and boats done by my Mom
3. My beautiful striped comforter
4. Lamp with Hawaiian shawl wrapped around it
5. CD player, DVD and TV!
6. Lots of different size and color pillows
7. Wicker coffee table with round, glass-covered picture (NOT pitcher!) of water on top

Seven random facts about you:
1. I “wrote” and “illustrated” a book at six years old
2. I learned to read when I was four years old, it was Dr. Seuss
3. I really like and am interested in people, have been interested in psychology and sociology most of my life.
4. I also like lots of alone time to think, to feel and to dream!
5. I’m very easy going and easy to get along with, value working together and getting along.
6. I’m quiet in large groups or with people I don’t know well, tend to listen only.
7. I’m easily bored and need mental stimulation! A brisk walk is nice, too.

Seven things you plan to do before you die:
1. Travel to England and France
2. Start my own business
3. Start a salon (would need a decently large space for that) not the hair kind, the conversational type
4. Do some artsy stuff like learn to paint and make pottery
5. Learn to sail and get a boat!
6. Write and publish more
7. Find more friends and keep them, as well as my current friends

Seven things you can do:
1. Listen and calm people down
2. Figure out how to get almost anything done
3. Change, move and try new things
4. Persuade, in a very non-salesmanship-type way!
5. Find cool, interesting and beautiful things from rummage and garage sales
6. Dig out information, usually if it can be found, I can find it!
7. Encourage people and influence them to be their best selves

Seven things you can't do:
1. Ignore someone in pain
2. Sing on key or remember lyrics.
3. Speak another language; have tried to learn several different ones with no success.
4. Drive a manual shift car.
5. Be purposefully mean to anyone or anything
6. Throw away perfectly good items
7. Have people around me all of the time—I’d go nuts!

Seven things that attract you to the opposite sex:
1. Intelligent, but not boastful or boring (not someone who goes on and on about what he knows)

2. Witty, light-hearted and playful
3. A beautiful thick head of hair! (ideally, but am more interested in character)
4. Kind and considerate to everyone.
5. A good conversationalist and also a good listener
6. Generous and giving, not just a taker
7. Sensual, enjoys life

Seven things you say the most:
1. That would be a yes
2. Oh well
3. Fug it
4. All righty, then
5. uh huh
6. Ya think?
7. Yupper

Seven celeb crushes: (difficult to just pick seven!)
1 Matthew McConaughey
2 Lenny Kravitz
3. Robert Downey, Jr.
4 David Duchovny
5. Rob Lowe
6. Kurt Cobain
7. Johnny Depp

Seven people you want to see to take this quiz:
1. People on my Blogroll
2. People not on my Blogroll
3. People who don’t blog
4. People who can’t read
5. People who hate blogs
6. People who know me
7. People who don’t know me

My foolish heart

Yesterday was a busy day at work, just like I had figured except we had TWO meetings, not just one. The deadline has finally passed, thank god, but now I will have people calling and E-mailing me to get in at the discount price! Sorry, too late! But I’m nice to them.

Had a strange phone call at work and it wasn’t work-related. Remember my post about the guy I had a six-year relationship with and we were even engaged? I hope you DON’T remember what I wrote as I’m taking a drastic 180 from what I said in that post. We’ve been just friends for the past many years, although we don’t see or even speak to each other very often anymore. He had a live-in girlfriend and he didn’t want to make her jealous even though there was no reason for her to be jealous. Well, to make a long story short, he didn’t mention her in the phone conversation and usually he does, a lot. And usually that would not affect me one way or the other, but I find myself hoping that they have broken up! How bad is that? And how foolish, too.

He’s invited me over to his farm to see his vegetables. The farm is a glorious place where I once dreamed of living. The soil is sandy, not like my clay and rocks and gardens grow like Eden there. There’s woods and a pond and many outbuildings including an interesting old barn. My son and I were invited last year and the invitation came from the both of them. He called her by my name about three times during the visit, which was embarrassing but we all just ignored it. I had to leave early because I was on that wicked 300-600 calorie per day diet and there was nothing at the BBQ that I could eat. He’s been the one who has wanted to get back together several times (not when living with his girlfriend, of course!) and I’ve been the standoffish one. Now he must have caught me at a bad time as I’m wondering….

We are still friends. We really enjoy each other’s company. The phone call turned into a long one (but I worked while talking) and it was like we had just seen each other. And the relationship (the six years we had it) was HOT hot hot, if you know what I mean.

Well, probably my timing is all off. Now that I think I might want him back, he’s probably still living with her. If that’s the case, I’m going to be awfully disappointed but will just drop it there. I’m not one to even try to break up other people’s relationships.

But he’s promised me some fresh vegetables from his acres of awesome gardens anyway! He still has a puppy that I gave him, it’s an old dog now but still remembers me. And former fiancé is great company, intelligent and witty. He doesn’t know it but I’ve judged later guys against him, my (once) almost perfect man! It will be good to see him again.

From my E-mail
Dumb Quotes

"Golden, Ripe, Boneless Bananas, 39 Cents A Pound." - Ad in the "Missoulian" by Orange Street Food Farm

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing -- but none of them serious."- Alan Minter, Boxer

"I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness." - Alicia Silverstone, Actress

"This is no longer a slum neighborhood. I haven't heard of a Cubs fan being shot in a long time." - Anonymous Wrigley Field Neighbor, Chicago, IL

"During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails."- AP report describing Fresno State basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian

"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl." - Bill Peterson, football coach

"The Internet is a great way to get on the net." - Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate

"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."- Britney Spears, Pop Singer

Moan day

I stopped and shopped again on the way home from my Mom’s. Don’t know why, but I have this urge to spend money! Most of the things I bought were small and needed items. But I also bought a new shower curtain. It’s a Joe Boxer one to replace the once beautiful Martha Stewart one that had ties instead of curtain rings. I really liked our old shower curtain but the rusty water did a number on the pale yellow, so it’s not nice looking any more. The new one is dark blue and I’m hoping the water stains won’t show. I also bought a new, matching bath towel. It may seem weird to buy only one, but my old towels still match, so I refrained from going too crazy at buying things. That particular line was 20% off so I did save money. Maybe I should have gotten a rug, some face clothes and more bath towels! No, actually it’s a good thing I didn’t. Payday is still a week away and there are bills to pay coming up this week.

It’s going to be a crazy day at work. One of the registration deadlines is coming up and I had been getting non-stop phone calls and E-mails asking questions last week already. It does make the day go by fast. We also have a staff meeting regarding the upcoming convention. I probably will have to discuss our trip (from hell!) and the meetings with registration and hotel staff. Good thing I got some of the bitterness and anger out last week! The meeting will be an interruption and an inconvenience in a busy day. Plus I will have to take notes and do the minutes afterwards. At least I’m coming off of a super duper great weekend! Hope yours was good, too.

From my E-mail:
Oneliners
Even if the voices aren't real, they have some pretty good ideas.

Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The most adorable bride of today will be someone's mother-in-law in the future.

Punctual people have nothing better to do.

People who want by the yard, but try by the inch, should be kicked by the foot!

Nothing tastes as good as slim feels.

Save time . . . see it my way.

The only thing you have to do is breathe; Everything else is just optional.

People spend their health for wealth . . . then spend their wealth for health.

Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else.

Nobody plans to fail, they just fail to plan.

Worry is interest paid in advance for a debt you may never owe.

Nothing shows a person's character more than what he/she laughs at.

The closest some people ever get to a 4.0 in school is their blood alcohol content.

The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up!! You don't know where it's been!!"

I'm Lovin' it

This weekend, I'm lovin' it, as the McD's commercial goes.

Yesterday I went to the regular Saturday meeting place at the coffee shop. All of the friends in the group were there, rare because some work on Saturdays. So we had a Summit meeting! I told them about my trip from hell, of course, because they had received the postcards. But I shortened it to have time to discuss more interesting things.

Our Summit was mostly on retirement investing and starting our own business. I had been thinking along those lines for the past few weeks. It comes up periodically and I brainstorm possibilities for self employment. Several others had great ideas too. We are going to check out the ideas, as much as possible. We have known each other for ten years and originally had gotten together to start a business! Then when it didn't happen due to family problems, one went back to school and other barriers, we turned into a social club. We called ourselves the "scone club" because at first we went out every week to try different types of scones and talk.

Back when I had a nice, hospitable place, I had a Thanksgiving party and had about 20 different types of scones as choices for dessert! We've come a long way since then and have stuck together through all types of job changes (serving as references for each other), residence changes and personal difficulties. If there is such a thing as "the good old boy's club" well then we must be the "good old girl's club"!

Nowadays it's salads and tea, not scones, although one friend did have a pineapple scone in honor of our group! Speaking (again!) of food, I love love love the salads at the coffee shop! My current fave is the goat cheese, craisen and almond with poppyseed dressing. And yesterday I noticed what a cool (disposable, I didn't steal them!) container in which they are served, even had a tight-fitting top. So I scarfed up two of them, took them home and washed them out. One I'll bring out to my Mom when I drive out there today, and the other I'm keeping for myself. Yes, I'm kind of a packrat! Like to live simply but that includes reusing things and not just tossing them away. On a related note, we also swap magazines among members of the group. I get several subscriptions and the magazines just seem wasted if only read by one person! In other words, I got rid of some old magazines and received some cool "new" ones to read!

Also had the little animals outside twice yesterday and went shopping! Checked out where another friend works (but not on Saturday) because she had said they have a job opening. She will put in a good word for SLA, the friend who's losing her house and looking for employment. They scarely know each other but working friend has a really kind heart. I went to that fair that I had posted about with her, her husband and another friend. I bought a couple of little items at the store and found some great leather boots. My old favorite ones, which I wore all the time (except in hot weather) broke their heel. But they were just too expensive. Then I went to Target and got a few things, too, boring necessary items. But I did look at clothes, books, perfume, CDs and housewares! Even when I don't or can't buy things, I do love to window shop. Have a sunny Sunday!

from my E-mail
Quick Quotes

"Recently, while I was on a shopping trip in a department store, I heard a little five-year-old talking to his mother on the down escalator. He said, 'Mommy, what do they do when the basement gets full of steps?'" --Hal Linden ---

While listening to an oldies radio station, my six-year-old evidently got the 60's mixed up with the 21st century. Instead of singing along, "Goin' to the chapel/ And we're gonna get married," I heard him sing, "Goin' to the chat room/ And we're gonna get married." --- Unknown----

"It was different when we were kids. In second grade, a teacher came in and gave us all a lecture about not smoking, and then they sent us over to arts and crafts to make ash- trays for Mother's Day." --Paul Clay---

Ahhhh, Saturday!

It's Saturday, wonderful beautiful Saturday! I went out with friends after work yesterday. It was the first time I've seen friends since I came back from my trip. They had received my postcard and were curious of how bad, exactly could a free trip be? So I told them. It was a great way to let off steam and probably I wouldn't have had my office meltdown if I had been able to talk to them first. Oh well, what's done is done. I was glad to hear that I'm not the only one who has cried at work!

But one of my best friends has a horrible situation going on, she's losing her house. I've suggested places to go and things to do (came from a "helper" work background!) but nothing "takes" and to many of the things she says "Oh, maybe I should try that!" but doesn't. I feel so helpless as there doesn't seem to be any way to save her. I've decided (a bit slow, here) that's she's suffering from depression and THAT is the real, underlying problem. But she's going to lose everything, has nowhere to go. Turns out her multiple job applications have been very half-hearted--faxing a generic resume to the business! So it's no wonder that nothing has turned up.

OK, sorry for yet another depressing post! I still haven't been able to make the blog rounds yet, either. But here are some silly puns to lighten it up. Have a wonderful weekend!

Later: went out and played in the garden. My corn/beans/vine stuff combo is coming along nicely. I had planted them in the "three sisters" fashion as I read in a history book about native tribes. I love to walk barefoot and pull out the weeds! My tomatoes and peppers have fruit coming along finally too and I brought a few fat cucumbers into the house to chill for eating later. I love summer, summer is so good!

from my E-mail
Names and Puns
I Want to Help: Abel N. Willin
Smart Beer Making: Bud Wiser
Genie in a Bottle: Grant Wishes
Fifty Yards to the Outhouse: Willy Makit and Betty Woant
Tinseltown Tales: Holly Wood
Ready...Set...: Sadie Word
Raising Flowers By Hand: Flo Wrist
Skunks in the Shrubbery: P. Yew
I'm Fine: Howard Yu
The Dead Of Winter: Jan Yuary
Mensa Man: Gene Yuss
Tear Up Those Betting Slips: Lou Zerr
Hollywood Gossip: Phyllis Zinn
Mexican Revenge: Monty Zuma
The German Bank Robbery: Hans Zupp

Noise Abatement
"Flight 1234," the control tower advised, "turn right 45 degrees for noise abatement." "Roger," the pilot responded, "but we're at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir," the radar man replied, "have you ever heard the noise a 727 makes when it hits a 747?"

I accidentally push the button—with tears

The continuing saga—this is starting to sound like the drama of a reality TV show! My workplace would easily qualify for a reality series.

We got off the plane at 11:00 p.m. and yesterday you probably read my tale of traveling woes. I was tired, exhausted and yet had to get up at 5:30 a.m. in the morning to go in to the office to work. I couldn’t even go to bed right away, so got very little sleep.

Went in to work with piles of things to be done, lots of E-mails to answer and phone calls to return. Ex-favorite co-worker brought me more contracts to do. The spreadsheet was so messed up and missing all sorts of pieces of information needed for the contracts. The phone didn’t stop ringing, co-workers kept asking for stuff. Ex-favorite co-worker had shut her door for the entire day to do a couple of contracts last week and then decided they were a nightmare (so true!) and gave them all to me. I was tired to the point of exhaustion but still really mad about the business trip.

Bosszila and ex-favorite co-worker came marching in waving a contract, there was a typo on it and I had done it. "These need to be exactly perfect!" they scolded me. I KNOW! I wanted to reply and I could feel the stress rising up in me but took it well. But alas, that was not to continue…

The big boss, a friendly rather fatherly sort of guy came by to ask me about the trip. I told him only the success of the meetings we’d had and how nice of a site the hotel was going to be for our convention. But then he (somehow he’d heard) expressed sympathy about my lost bag and all the difficulties I must have had. That was the first time anyone had said they were sorry about my trouble and to my (and his!) great horror I started to cry!

Have you ever cried at work? It’s horribly embarrassing and I was humiliated that I had lost it, especially in front of him after getting through all my travel trials in a fairly professional manner. But it all poured out of me, anger at all the meanness and selfishness of Bosszila and how not a single co-worker had expressed any sort of sympathy for my plight. (Although, to be fair, the nice co-worker had stood by me during the whole thing, but we hadn’t discussed it at all.)

I ended up being sent to HR where with little hesitation I ended up repeating my crying performance, to my great embarrassment. The director took me very seriously, asked detailed questions and wrote down a lot of things. She said they would speak to Bosszila, as mine was not the first complaint they had received about her. The HR woman even made me laugh a little before I had to leave. I still felt sort of icky about the whole thing and wished I could just go home or even better—go back in time and not break down and cry, but there was too much work to do. I did take her suggestion and go outside into the beautiful day and walk a few blocks. It felt good to walk really fast and the fresh air made the puffiness of my eyes go down enough to go back to my desk.

I received another batch of contracts and was concentrating on the job when Bosszila popped into my office. “You look kind of sad, want to talk about anything?” I could feel rage welling up in me and quickly decided that now was not a great time to talk to her. “I’m not sad, just very angry about what happened on our trip” I said “And I need to do these contracts now so I can’t really switch over to that subject right now.” She waved a queenly hand “Well, whenever you’re ready to talk.” “I appreciate the offer.” I replied and got back to work, humiliated because she must have heard that I had been crying.

She was in various meetings for most of the day and I was swamped with work. It was past my regular quitting time when she came into my office again with some work for me to do, and her eyes were blazing. If looks could kill, hers would have incinerated me on the spot. She radiated pure hate. Calm now, I stared at her in wonder. So she hadn’t heard before? They apparently had just chewed her out for her bad behavior and now she was furious with me. I really hadn’t meant to tattle; it just sort of happened and had picked up momentum on the way.

Have you ever had an evil little imp prompting you from inside to do or say something that you know you shouldn’t? My inner evil imp wanted SO badly to goad her and say cheerfully “Well, I’m ready to talk now!” But I really try to be a person of peace and didn’t say a word. As I walked back to my car I realized that this whole nasty situation is going to come down on me. She’ll want revenge and has a lot more power than I do. HR could not protect the other people and they won’t really be able to protect me, either.

From my E-mail
Flying
Our co-worker kept trying to get her mother to fly out for a visit. "No way am I getting on an airplane," was the in- evitable answer. "Look, Mom, when it's your time to go, it doesn't matter if you're on the ground or in the air." "I know," said her mother. "I just don't want to be that far off the ground when it's the pilot's time to go." [Borrowed from Reader's Digest.]

And the crowds were cheering as we got off the plane

Well, I’m back, did you miss me at all? I missed you all and it will be several days before I’m able to make the blog-rounds again and sort of catch up.

NO JOKE
About my trip; it was the trip from hell. I’ve not even told any of my friends yet, and when I do, I know what they will say. I’ll be at the halfway part of the story and they’ll exclaim, “But you’re joking, right?” and “That’s not all of it, there’s more yet?” That would be a “No, unfortunately” and a “Yes. Aren’t you the lucky listener?” The suspense builds, so let’s begin. Be sure you have a canteen, provisions and a comfortable seat.

THE STORY BEGINS
The journey begins at the small regional airport in my home town. It’s called an “International” airport but there aren’t any direct flights to any foreign countries. We boarded the plane at the scheduled time and sat. After a while the pilot came on the microphone and told us there was a storm and we needed to wait it out. So we waited. After about an hour and a half in the plane, where we were not allowed to get up at all, finally, we were on our way. Co-workers and I figured we had missed our connecting flight at the much bigger airport.

HERE A PLANE, THERE A PLANE
When we reached the larger airport, the schedule was thrown off by the storm, so we circled and hovered quite a long time before we finally landed. We sat on a side runway for a while because there was no open gate. This airport was very busy, planes taking off and landing constantly. Finally we pulled up to a gate and sat there for awhile. Then the plane began backing up, and we had to wait for another open gate. We got out and were told that our connecting flight had been rescheduled because of the weather and we had 45 minutes before it was going to leave. We raced across the airport and sat at the gate. I went up to check my ticket against the flight and found out it had been moved to another (far away, of course) gate and we had to run over to that gate instead. They held the plane for us. All my co-workers were checked in but I was stopped. The agent told me I couldn’t get on the plane because I had the wrong boarding pass! We had all gotten our tickets and passes at the same time. I told her that I HAD to be on that plane, so the agent finally put me on the plane, shaking her head. I was the last one on and scored a first class seat! My boss rides first class, although none of the rest of us can. So I was enjoying the unusual roominess and luxury.

FIRST CLASS, FOR A WHILE
We sat and sat again. The plane shivered a little but didn’t move. Service wagons pulled up and soon the pilot was on the microphone telling us that they were checking out a mechanical problem. Time went by and I did some work on the laptop. Then there was an announcement to deplane. I almost got the giggles because all I could think of was Fantasy Island and that little guy pointing and shouting “De plane, de plane!” We got off and had to wait around the gate until they found another plane for us. That took a while, but finally it was announced and our new plane was at a different gate!

‘ROUND AND ‘ROUND IT GOES
So we finally got on the able-to-fly plane and had to wait in the runway queue to take off. Again at the destination city airport we had to circle and then sit on the runway waiting for an open gate. It was evening (we had originally left early in the morning) when we finally got off the second plane. We went down to the baggage carousel and you guessed it, my luggage was not there. Surprise surprise. Went to the baggage claims office and asked about it. The agent told me that several more planes from that airport were coming in and that my bag might be on one of them. My co-workers were all set and anxious to get to the hotel. Bosszila and ex-favorite co-worker left to take the shuttle to get the rental car while the other stayed with me. I searched every load of bags that came in from that airport and mine was not to be found. There was a large group of people from those messed up flights waiting for their luggage, but occasionally one would actually get their bag.

THE NEWBIES ARE ABANDONED IN A STRANGE CITY
The co-workers with the rental car called and asked when we were catching the shuttle. At the time, I was waiting in a long, snaking line to speak to the luggage office attendant again. The two co-workers decided not to come and pick us up at the airport, or wait for us to come over on the shuttle and took off for the hotel. They left us at the airport. We ended up waiting another hour or so before I received a claims form and could finally leave. We had to catch a cab to the hotel. Neither of us had brought a lot of extra cash because we knew we were renting a car and didn’t need cab money. And neither of us had ever been to this city before and were too lowly to have corporate credit cards to use. The two frequent travelers who knew the city and had company cards were safely at the hotel having dinner! I was hot (no air conditioning in the baggage claims office and it was packed with people) tired from the long trip and not happy with having to attend our important meetings wearing my same travel clothes. I was also furious with my boss as she was the instigator of just leaving us at the airport.

SHALLOW POCKETS AND AN EMPTY STOMACH
We caught a cab and came up with enough extra money between the two of us to get to the hotel. It was a very long ride and expensive. Normally on the first night at another location we have a staff meeting and a light dinner but two co-workers had already eaten and the other one had eaten something at the airport. I brought the laptop up to my room and asked two hotel people where to get some food. They both told me different places so I walked around in the scary, nearly deserted downtown and found nothing open. Tough looking guys in “wife beaters” looked me up and down as they lounged near the sidewalk. Having had only a packet of crackers for lunch I went back to the hotel and went to the gift shop (which luckily was still open). I bought an assortment of postcards and a few of my missing supplies (they were expensive, so only the bare minimum). The lobby was beautiful and I wrote out my postcards there. On every card but my Mom’s I put “Trip from hell—details to follow!” and mailed them all at the front desk. Then I went upstairs to my room and to bed with no pajamas or nightgown. But thank goodness I did have a toothbrush and toothpaste.

TIRED FOR SOUND
Oh yes, I have to mention my hotel room. The hotel itself was beautiful and will make a great convention site for us. But my room was next to the elevators and the ice machine. Did you know that people in hotels use both of those all night long? I didn’t know that before, but unfortunately found it out while trying to sleep. Morning came and I had to shower with hotel soap, which was OK, but the shampoo and conditioner were too tiny and didn’t work well in my hair. I had the frizzies and no hair spray or gel to tame them. I had to iron my dirty clothes and put them back on, yuck. And off to the meetings to impress people!

YA THINK SO?
The meetings went really well and I was pleased. They did mention my “cute” accent and I again protested that I don’t have an accent, but different people keep telling me that, so guess I do. I think I talk just like the news casters on TV!

THE RIGHT STUFF FROM SUPERWOMAN
I kept calling the two phone numbers from the baggage claim and my bag did not show up, they could not locate where it had gone. I went to the luggage desk at the hotel on our last day there and asked her for help. Wish I would have done it sooner, as she was a miracle worker and located my bag when nobody else seemed to know where had landed! At the time she finally found my luggage, we had only hours before having to return to the airport to fly out again (and they couldn’t guarantee delivery that fast). So I left it at the airport to pick up on my way home.

PRIORITIES ARE STRAIGHTENED OUT
We visited one of our event sites, a botanical garden and it was awesome! There was a large place that smelled like a jungle or a greenhouse and had beautiful loose butterflies flitting around! They also had a wonderful gift shop but I couldn’t indulge too much, just bought a postcard. Bosszila wanted to go to an exclusive neighborhood to shop but I said that I needed to get to the airport early to have time to pick up my bag or I might miss my flight back home. She tried to enlist the others but they sided with me. Good thing they did, as the traffic to the airport was wicked and they would not have made the flight either if we had wasted more time, ha ha.

WINDOW SHOPPING FOR MY LUGGAGE
Nice co-worker (the heroic guy who had stayed at the baggage claims with me the first night) was driving the rental car and insisted (despite protests from Bosszila) on dropping me off at the airport before they returned the car to give me extra time to retrieve my luggage. I went to the claims office and there through the glass window, with a whole bunch of other waylaid luggage was my long-lost bag! And the office was closed and locked up!

CHECK OUT THAT GUY AS HE CHECKS YOU IN
I went upstairs to the flight check in lines and asked about my bag behind glass. A friendly man took me back down to the baggage claims office, opened the door and we got my luggage. He then accompanied me back upstairs and got me checked in for the flight. He joked about if I was sure that I wanted to surrender the bag so soon after only having it back about ten minutes. I told him “I trust you” and my bag was whisked away again.

SUCK-CURITY
The security-check lines were huge. At the beginning of the line random people were handed a yellow piece of cardboard. I got one to carry through the line to get stamped at the end. Apparently they were checking how long it took for people to get through the line. Quite a while, I’d say, and didn’t need a yellow stamped card to figure that one out!

GATED COMMUNITY
I went to the gate for our flight and found nice co-worker so we sat together and did work on our laptops as we waited. The other two didn’t sit with us even though there was plenty of room and we normally all sit together at the gate so we can watch each other’s bags. I think because by that time Bosszila had figured out that I was really mad at her!

NEWSBREAK
We got on the flight with a huge group of boy scouts coming home from the Jamboree in Virginia (I think). There had been a tragedy that occurred there in the news and the boys and their leaders were very subdued for a large crowd of boys. These particular scouts were flying home to Utah.

MORE UNIFORMS
We flew back to the connecting city and had very little time to get to the gate for the flight home. We were seated on the plane but, again not moving. Soon an announcement was made that we were waiting for soldiers coming home from Iraq! Soldiers in desert camo came into the plane with green duffle bags. They were looking very tired but were pleasant and polite. I thought that Air Force soldiers would be taking a military flight home but apparently they also fly on commercial flights.

THE CROWDS WERE CHEERING AS WE GOT OFF THE PLANE
The pilot took us right over our home city as we came into the airport. It was a beautiful sight, glittering in the dark with a yellow crescent moon hanging over the water. The pilot did it as a special treat for the soldiers coming home. We got off the plane to cheering and waving crowds with signs and balloons. We have an Air Force base in my hometown and these guys and women were coming home after having served in combat areas in Iraq. There were wives and husbands with children, some with babies in arm waiting to welcome them home. At seeing them waiting so hopefully for the return of their loved ones, I got a lump in my throat and anger and despair that these fine people were called upon to risk their lives. I slunk through the cheering lines, because they weren’t cheering for me and down to the baggage claim. The horn went off and the luggage tumbled in the carousel. I was right to trust again, my bag was there.

Sorry, I have no jokes for you today, as I haven’t even opened my E-mail yet….