Snoopy banks and fading friends
I never did think up good stuff for the Human Virun Scanner joke, although a couple of people had some good ones. This morning I was busy gathering stuff for the mortgage bank, so again got a late start for blogging. They seem to be a lot fussier than I remember (of course those were different mortgage banks!) and require documentation about how many times I blink! I've not had to supply my bank statements for every bank that I have money (3), just the amounts in the previous mortgages. It's not really their business HOW I spend my money, just how much I have! I don't really like that, but that's what I have to do. They also wanted the settlement papers from the country house. I've not had to do that before, either. It could be because I just sold the house this year, or maybe because there have been a lot more defaults on mortgage loans lately and they've learned to be more careful.
My friend SLA lost her house last year. Her family (and I, a little bit, probably not enough...) tried to help at first. But it was a lost cause. She had taken several second mortgages to pay off her car and other bills and had a huge sum to pay each month--and she quit her job in February 2005 and hasn't really worked since.
What happened was a loser (yes, that sounds very unkind of me, but I'll explain later) friend of hers from high school made a reappearance in January 2005. The friend had just left her live-in drinking guy, was homeless and needed a place to stay. This friend brought her dog, which was not housebroken and bit SLA when she yelled at it for pooping all over her carpet. The friend encouraged SLA to quit her job, because it was too hard. The two of them went out many times a week to bars, the drinks were paid for because the friend is also pretty cute. Do I sound jealous and bitter? I am. SLA and I were best friends for 23 years and I was replaced by an old high school friend. The worse thing of it was that I could also see that this fun "new" friend was not good for SLA. Houseguest's car was taken back, even though she said she was making payments on it, because it belonged to her ex-live-in-boyfriend. He told her she was lucky that he hadn't reported her for stealing it!
Eventually the bank took back the house. SLA and Houseguest both found free apartments over here through the housing authority because they have no money. They couldn't live together anymore because housing doesn't allow roommates. Houseguest has various "boyfriends" to support her, while SLA's sister and niece give her money. I used to take her out to buy stuff too but quit when she was not interested in the job openings I'd find for her. SLA and Houseguest use her son's car, sleep in until 4:00 PM and they still go out at night. Do I sound disapproving? I am, even though it's judgemental of me. I still see her sometimes but not as much. Houseguest is always there and they're exchanging hard-luck poor-me stories all the time.
I've wanted to write about this for some time, but still feel a bit guilty at doing so. But now I have it off my chest. So, what do you do in a situation like that? I've been poor but always felt that I had to work, nobody owed me free living. They seem to be caught up in a dangerous lifestyle that's going nowhere, but I guess that's their own choice. It's sad. I still do give her job openings, though.
My friend SLA lost her house last year. Her family (and I, a little bit, probably not enough...) tried to help at first. But it was a lost cause. She had taken several second mortgages to pay off her car and other bills and had a huge sum to pay each month--and she quit her job in February 2005 and hasn't really worked since.
What happened was a loser (yes, that sounds very unkind of me, but I'll explain later) friend of hers from high school made a reappearance in January 2005. The friend had just left her live-in drinking guy, was homeless and needed a place to stay. This friend brought her dog, which was not housebroken and bit SLA when she yelled at it for pooping all over her carpet. The friend encouraged SLA to quit her job, because it was too hard. The two of them went out many times a week to bars, the drinks were paid for because the friend is also pretty cute. Do I sound jealous and bitter? I am. SLA and I were best friends for 23 years and I was replaced by an old high school friend. The worse thing of it was that I could also see that this fun "new" friend was not good for SLA. Houseguest's car was taken back, even though she said she was making payments on it, because it belonged to her ex-live-in-boyfriend. He told her she was lucky that he hadn't reported her for stealing it!
Eventually the bank took back the house. SLA and Houseguest both found free apartments over here through the housing authority because they have no money. They couldn't live together anymore because housing doesn't allow roommates. Houseguest has various "boyfriends" to support her, while SLA's sister and niece give her money. I used to take her out to buy stuff too but quit when she was not interested in the job openings I'd find for her. SLA and Houseguest use her son's car, sleep in until 4:00 PM and they still go out at night. Do I sound disapproving? I am, even though it's judgemental of me. I still see her sometimes but not as much. Houseguest is always there and they're exchanging hard-luck poor-me stories all the time.
I've wanted to write about this for some time, but still feel a bit guilty at doing so. But now I have it off my chest. So, what do you do in a situation like that? I've been poor but always felt that I had to work, nobody owed me free living. They seem to be caught up in a dangerous lifestyle that's going nowhere, but I guess that's their own choice. It's sad. I still do give her job openings, though.
11 Comments:
I think that someone who is in a mess like that, should get of their duffs and work and take care of themselves. No one ever gave me a free ride, and I wouldn't expect them too.
I had a friend like that, I say HAD. No more. She used me too much, I don't mind giving when someone really needs the help, and if they are willing to help themselves too. It's when someone takes advantage of others that it really gets me.
I've had friends like this. I think a lot of people probably do.
Like you I always kind of hope they will change. But they don't..
There's no accounting for people.
Don't feel bad for writing about it. We have to get this stuff off our chest or it eats us alive. My sister is the same way. She hasn't worked since December 2004. At first it was because "she's worked long enough." Yeah, she's 46. I don't help her anymore either. I just can't. If she wants to live in a shack and have nothing ever then that's her business. It is her choice. If I were you, I would give up on showing her job opportunities too. Next thing she'll probably do is get on disability. That's what my sister did. So now I'm helping her anyway, by paying taxes I help her stay home and be a bum. Gotta love our country!
I agree...you shouldn't feel guilty. Your friend has made a choice to stop contributing to society. Hopefully she realizes her mistake before it's too late.
People can't be helped when they're not ready to help themselves. If you give her money, you're just enabling her pitiful lifestyle. The best you can do is be a friend, offer jobs (but don't put yourself out if she's not taking advantage), and make sure she doesn't suck you into the same trap.
Thanks, everybody for your support. I don't feel like I've been such a bad friend now, as she really didn't want my help, just my money.
Bikercandy--you've so right--she HAS applied for disability!!!!
You sounds like a GREAT friend.. with your support not only with money but trying to assist in finding a job you've been great... you have no reason to feel guilty! Sometimes you have to just get things off your chest we all understand :)
She brought it on herself. She is paying the conquences of her actions. One of these days people are going to quit helping her and she will have to get off her butt and get a job. It's a shame that she just quit a job before having another one to takes it's place. Keep giving her job ads and maybe she will take the hint. Good luck!
I think she should be damn grateful to still have you as a friend.
I think you have done plenty under the circumstances. They are their own problem and if SLA can't see through the houseguest...then that is her misfortune. I guess you're still haveing PC problems with the site? I haven't had anymore complaints about the background...oh well.
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