Some new wrinkles
Yesterday was spent straightening out people's travel reports and reimbursements. You'd really think they would know how to do them after doing about two, but no. Despite the fact that most of the people have been doing them for years: wrong receipts were stapled to wrong reports, in other travel reports the amounts didn't add up, missing receipts--you name it!
And everyone but me was invited to a meeting all morning (but that was actually good, because I had all this work to get done and people give me their paperwork very last minute). I didn't even know about the meeting until a co-worker came (5 or 10 minutes before the meeting) and wanted to know where the writing board and paper were and the erasable pens. Former Temp was sick, which is why they came to me. But of course I'll be doing all of that again soon. So because they were all in the meeting, I couldn't go and ask each person about the discrepancies until afternoon. The timesheets and the travel reimbursements were due by noon but BZ was in a different meeting and didn't get to them until about 4:00, which was very lucky for me.
I was on the phone to our accounting department a lot too, over various issues. I really don't know how all this is going to work out once I'm sitting in front at the receptionist's desk. The two jobs are vastly different and don't mesh together well all all. I am feeling very bad for Former Temp. I think they are getting rid of her for two major reasons: she helped me, and the budget. As I've mentioned before, BZ is on a new austerity budget but it wasn't like we were paying Former Temp that much!
There are some new wrinkles to SLA's situation with the new guy, ones I didn't know. But still, her family vasted overreacted and caused her severe harm--not help--to get her fired from her good job that she loved. I'm coming to the conclusion (after two long phone conversations with SLA that took up a good part of my night, last night) that her guy may be trying to cause her trouble with her family. If true, that's a bad sign. Abusers do that to separate you "from the herd" and from any support. I really need to sit down with her--away from him--and find out the real story of how the whole firing thing actually happened. She omitted some very pertainent information in her first story to me that makes her family's reaction more logical. Their reaction still was not helpful to her, but it makes more sense with a certain key piece of information that just sort of slipped out in a later conversation.
In addition, he has had "harsh words" with just about every person in her family and even with the boyfriend of Houseguest, her best friend from childhood. Granted, he's angry for her that they got her fired (so he says) but still, wouldn't you say that's a bad sign, too? I'm not getting a good feeling from him and their relationship any more. Although he's certainly cute and a charmer in the two times I've seen him.
Last night SLA also told me that "this whole thing with her family is becoming just too much for him to take." I was less than sympathetic about that, give me a break, it's too much for HIM to take? How about her, it's her family. And he wasted no time (between her two phone calls to me) to get her all riled up with tales of seeing a police car sitting outside of the window while she was gone in a make-up lunch meeting with her two kids. Now he's gotten her angry with them again. He seems to have a talent and a mission to get all of her family and friends turned against her and keep her furious with them.
I think he's full of BS, if not actually dangerous, but have to be careful not to alienate her. Already she feels the world (family, friends) are all against them. He's planning to move in and "take care of her" since she suddenly has no job. I think he may have helped her get fired, but need to hear the REAL story without tipping SLA off that I'm also "gunning for him" just like all the rest of her family! It was flattering that she now considers me her only support left--but if she would have told me the real story in the beginning, I frankly would have sided with her family (but still offered support) against him. I have no proof that he's full of it, either, so will have to trend cautiously. What would you do?
And everyone but me was invited to a meeting all morning (but that was actually good, because I had all this work to get done and people give me their paperwork very last minute). I didn't even know about the meeting until a co-worker came (5 or 10 minutes before the meeting) and wanted to know where the writing board and paper were and the erasable pens. Former Temp was sick, which is why they came to me. But of course I'll be doing all of that again soon. So because they were all in the meeting, I couldn't go and ask each person about the discrepancies until afternoon. The timesheets and the travel reimbursements were due by noon but BZ was in a different meeting and didn't get to them until about 4:00, which was very lucky for me.
I was on the phone to our accounting department a lot too, over various issues. I really don't know how all this is going to work out once I'm sitting in front at the receptionist's desk. The two jobs are vastly different and don't mesh together well all all. I am feeling very bad for Former Temp. I think they are getting rid of her for two major reasons: she helped me, and the budget. As I've mentioned before, BZ is on a new austerity budget but it wasn't like we were paying Former Temp that much!
There are some new wrinkles to SLA's situation with the new guy, ones I didn't know. But still, her family vasted overreacted and caused her severe harm--not help--to get her fired from her good job that she loved. I'm coming to the conclusion (after two long phone conversations with SLA that took up a good part of my night, last night) that her guy may be trying to cause her trouble with her family. If true, that's a bad sign. Abusers do that to separate you "from the herd" and from any support. I really need to sit down with her--away from him--and find out the real story of how the whole firing thing actually happened. She omitted some very pertainent information in her first story to me that makes her family's reaction more logical. Their reaction still was not helpful to her, but it makes more sense with a certain key piece of information that just sort of slipped out in a later conversation.
In addition, he has had "harsh words" with just about every person in her family and even with the boyfriend of Houseguest, her best friend from childhood. Granted, he's angry for her that they got her fired (so he says) but still, wouldn't you say that's a bad sign, too? I'm not getting a good feeling from him and their relationship any more. Although he's certainly cute and a charmer in the two times I've seen him.
Last night SLA also told me that "this whole thing with her family is becoming just too much for him to take." I was less than sympathetic about that, give me a break, it's too much for HIM to take? How about her, it's her family. And he wasted no time (between her two phone calls to me) to get her all riled up with tales of seeing a police car sitting outside of the window while she was gone in a make-up lunch meeting with her two kids. Now he's gotten her angry with them again. He seems to have a talent and a mission to get all of her family and friends turned against her and keep her furious with them.
I think he's full of BS, if not actually dangerous, but have to be careful not to alienate her. Already she feels the world (family, friends) are all against them. He's planning to move in and "take care of her" since she suddenly has no job. I think he may have helped her get fired, but need to hear the REAL story without tipping SLA off that I'm also "gunning for him" just like all the rest of her family! It was flattering that she now considers me her only support left--but if she would have told me the real story in the beginning, I frankly would have sided with her family (but still offered support) against him. I have no proof that he's full of it, either, so will have to trend cautiously. What would you do?
6 Comments:
So the new guy is cute and charming....hmmmm, I'm smelling trouble, especially if he is trying to alienate her from family and friends. I'm thinking control freak here.
I think you're right...sounds like a control freak to me too...and they're VERY bad.
You DEFINITELY need to get her alone and talk to her.
Keep us posted please....
I think you are treading on very tricky ground here. I wish you luck though, it's so hard to be a friend to someone when you don't like the person they are involved with. Personally I found it impossible. I'm no longer friends with the woman from my past whose husband is a jerk deluxe. I hope that doesn't happen to you and SLA
She's a big girl...tell her the truth as to how it looks to you...now that you have more pertinent information. Once you said good looking and a charmer I knew then...that tipped the situation off. He's using her! For what I don't know...but something is up. Everything you said in the post was right on...I could have written it. You've got some insight miss! People generally listen to their friends unless they are totally blinded by something...and it undoubtedly is his charm. She should know as your friend that you wouldn't deliberately steer her wrong. The normal comeback for her then would be...that you are jealous...and if that were the case if you were honest with her...you'd know she doesn't want to face reality. And it is going to cost her dearly in the end.
I've tried twice in the past year to help friends in need. The first time got me fired (I've since been reinstated, but it cost a month's wages) and the second time caused no end of worries over repayment of a sizable, and as yet unpaid loan. I say stay out of SLA's troubles. And if you feel you must help, BE CAREFUL!
Anytime someone tries to separate one person from any or all of their support networks, you have got some big trouble.
But, you must be careful. It sounds as if you haven't caused any warning bells to go off with him and as long as you can tread on that ice, you can help.
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