Personal religion
Some bar jokes from my E-mail:
Sure Thing Bar Bet
Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy.
Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money.
"I can't take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news." "No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"
The Beer Prayer
Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hollowed be thy drink.
I will be drunk,
At home as in the travern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangerovers.
For thine is the beer. The bitter and the lager
Forever and ever,
Barmen.
Now that last joke could be offensive to some people, sorry if it was to YOU. But I think it's hilarious! A question for today:
If you could invent your own religion, what would it be like?
1. How would you worship your god(dess)(es)
2. What sort of religious ceremonies and rituals would you have
3. What would be the holy days of your religion
4. What would the general philosophy of life be (example: do good in this life to be rewarded in heaven is a religious philosophy)
Or maybe that's too much thinking for a Tuesday! But it's really quite quick and easy:
1. By sitting on the couch and watching TV
2. Making a bowl of popcorn, getting a cola from the refrigerator
3. Monday night
4. There's always another channel in life.
OK, I don't really worship TV, it's just another example, just another example, really! Honest. Absolutely. Have a great Tuesday!
Sure Thing Bar Bet
Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy.
Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money.
"I can't take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news." "No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"
The Beer Prayer
Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hollowed be thy drink.
I will be drunk,
At home as in the travern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangerovers.
For thine is the beer. The bitter and the lager
Forever and ever,
Barmen.
Now that last joke could be offensive to some people, sorry if it was to YOU. But I think it's hilarious! A question for today:
If you could invent your own religion, what would it be like?
1. How would you worship your god(dess)(es)
2. What sort of religious ceremonies and rituals would you have
3. What would be the holy days of your religion
4. What would the general philosophy of life be (example: do good in this life to be rewarded in heaven is a religious philosophy)
Or maybe that's too much thinking for a Tuesday! But it's really quite quick and easy:
1. By sitting on the couch and watching TV
2. Making a bowl of popcorn, getting a cola from the refrigerator
3. Monday night
4. There's always another channel in life.
OK, I don't really worship TV, it's just another example, just another example, really! Honest. Absolutely. Have a great Tuesday!
8 Comments:
Hey, that was pretty cute!
I'd have to think about that religion thing....
1. By laying on the beach all day long.
2. Slathering on sun screen and consuming massive quantities of rum and diet coke.
3. April 1st- the very first cold day of the year
4. Life is good...be nice to people.
;)
How about a religion where you have to do absolutely nothing except put a bumper sticker on your car that says "Jesus Loves You?" Oh, there's already one like that.
Dear Sir,
We had to ask ourselves the very same questions when we made our religions.
Signed,
L. Ron Hubbard, Jim Jones, David Koresh, George Lucas, and Scott Adams
That first joke is one of my favorites. I changed it to blonde joke, though
I already invented my own religion. Send donations.
Very good jokes
I have been thinking about you today. I have been using that lovely bag that you sent my at Christmas for the first time today. I would have wanted to use it ealrier but I didn't want to get it wet
Thanks so much it is perfect for my school stuff.
thank goodness The Games is not in operation ... I have got qhhnzsls!!!
Shall I start it again at the Easter school holidays???
Loved the Beer Prayer...I'm sharing it with a bloke in Australia that loves his beer.
i love it
1. I would worship the great Bear
2. Teddy Bears Picnics
3. Every Day
4. You can never buy too many bears
I am already following it religiously...lol
:0)
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