Comprehensive botching
I'm suffering from a hangover of sorts, and it's not the alcohol kind. Last night, in fact yesterday in general was not a fun day. Have you ever felt that you've really botched up your life good? That every time a fork in the road appeared you took left when right would have been better?
It wasn't that I was making poor decisions yesterday, but that the results of prior decisions were coming home to roost! In which areas? Well, just about EVERY area of life from work on down, to relationships, family, pretty much everything. It's a very comprehensive botching!
I went to see Vegetable Man at work yesterday. His best friend and the woman who gave us the washer and dryer were there too. Thank goodness he'd called and given me advance warning on the woman, because she is his most recent ex-girlfriend! It still was quite awkward and I could see that his best friend (an alpha-male type) was curious and envious to see V. Man with two women! V.Man was busy, because he was at work, of course, and did give me a kiss and a hug as a greeting. But Ex was firmly planted in his desk chair, queen of all she surveyed. And I could also see that she was surprised to see me, and maybe at the greeting too. What the heck? I know he was (is?) in love with her, is he trying to get her back by making her jealous? It might work. She was very competitive, flipping her hair around, trying to say the clever thing. I joked around with them for a bit and left, very confused. I haven't seen Vegetable Man since we moved, a long time now. Was he seeing her during that time?
Came back home and a policeman followed me up the stairs asking our address. Well, I think I've mentioned all the trouble we've had with our address, how the Post Office keeps crossing in out on our letters and on the mailbox. So when the cop asked if I live at _____, it was the same address that the Post Office keeps writing in!
Turns out the police weren't looking for us, but for someone else, whew! But my Mom was all upset about it, and that was only the beginning....
Then I spent from 5:00 p.m. to 11:00 p.m. trying to get the washer and dryer to work. (Was this the Ex's revenge on me?!) Early this week everyone, and by this I mean my Mom and my son were whining about not having clean clothes. So I had a pile of dirty clothes, most not mine (I hand wash a lot of my things) and the two little machines refused to work well. I would have loved to drop both the washer and dryer over the balcony from the second floor. But then I would have had to drag all that stuff to the laundromat and back up the stairs. It might have been easier. My Mom accompanies me to the laundromat but can't carry anything, of course. In fact she needs help walking so I used to wish that she wouldn't come with me! It turns out to be such a big production. Well doing the laundry at home turned out to be, too.
Ok, on to the last bad result and the worst: My son came home from work in a really bad mood. This is the third time in as many days. I don't know what's going on with him but his behavior was inexcusable. He was rude to his Grandma. I hang my head in shame. Yes, I know that adult children can and will do whatever they want, but (in my Mom's and family's eyes) it reflected badly on me. And the worst is that she and he used to have such a good relationship, I feel horrible about that. My Mom is not the forgiving kind. She will recite something someone said twenty years ago and hold it against them. So he has ruined his relationship with her, she will never look at or think of him in the same way again. Pretty harsh, but that's how she, and the rest of my family are.
It all started with a huge argument about not having food in the house. We have tons of food, leftovers, etc. but my son couldn't find anything that he wanted to eat and from there the argument escalated. My Mom got involved and the whole thing got nasty, my son felt we were ganging up on him. This is the third time this has happened, but the first that my Mom got involved. Usually she's long in bed by the time he gets home (and she's almost deaf, so didn't hear us before, apparently). She said that she could not live with us and would find a senior's place to live.
My Mom isn't one to just give threats, she means what she says. So it looks like we will all be moving soon again. I'm very tired of the situation too, even though it's been only a couple of days. I know he doesn't make a lot of money but my son really needs to find another place to live, I'm tired of this. And I'm heartsick over it too.
This extended family living was a BAD idea! And practically speaking, it hasn't saved me money--I've been spending much more on groceries. It certainly hasn't saved me time or work--I've had to cook, clean and keep house for three people. I wish my son was still in my Mom's good graces, but maybe a change would be good for all of us...
It wasn't that I was making poor decisions yesterday, but that the results of prior decisions were coming home to roost! In which areas? Well, just about EVERY area of life from work on down, to relationships, family, pretty much everything. It's a very comprehensive botching!
I went to see Vegetable Man at work yesterday. His best friend and the woman who gave us the washer and dryer were there too. Thank goodness he'd called and given me advance warning on the woman, because she is his most recent ex-girlfriend! It still was quite awkward and I could see that his best friend (an alpha-male type) was curious and envious to see V. Man with two women! V.Man was busy, because he was at work, of course, and did give me a kiss and a hug as a greeting. But Ex was firmly planted in his desk chair, queen of all she surveyed. And I could also see that she was surprised to see me, and maybe at the greeting too. What the heck? I know he was (is?) in love with her, is he trying to get her back by making her jealous? It might work. She was very competitive, flipping her hair around, trying to say the clever thing. I joked around with them for a bit and left, very confused. I haven't seen Vegetable Man since we moved, a long time now. Was he seeing her during that time?
Came back home and a policeman followed me up the stairs asking our address. Well, I think I've mentioned all the trouble we've had with our address, how the Post Office keeps crossing in out on our letters and on the mailbox. So when the cop asked if I live at _____, it was the same address that the Post Office keeps writing in!
Turns out the police weren't looking for us, but for someone else, whew! But my Mom was all upset about it, and that was only the beginning....
Then I spent from 5:00 p.m. to 11:00 p.m. trying to get the washer and dryer to work. (Was this the Ex's revenge on me?!) Early this week everyone, and by this I mean my Mom and my son were whining about not having clean clothes. So I had a pile of dirty clothes, most not mine (I hand wash a lot of my things) and the two little machines refused to work well. I would have loved to drop both the washer and dryer over the balcony from the second floor. But then I would have had to drag all that stuff to the laundromat and back up the stairs. It might have been easier. My Mom accompanies me to the laundromat but can't carry anything, of course. In fact she needs help walking so I used to wish that she wouldn't come with me! It turns out to be such a big production. Well doing the laundry at home turned out to be, too.
Ok, on to the last bad result and the worst: My son came home from work in a really bad mood. This is the third time in as many days. I don't know what's going on with him but his behavior was inexcusable. He was rude to his Grandma. I hang my head in shame. Yes, I know that adult children can and will do whatever they want, but (in my Mom's and family's eyes) it reflected badly on me. And the worst is that she and he used to have such a good relationship, I feel horrible about that. My Mom is not the forgiving kind. She will recite something someone said twenty years ago and hold it against them. So he has ruined his relationship with her, she will never look at or think of him in the same way again. Pretty harsh, but that's how she, and the rest of my family are.
It all started with a huge argument about not having food in the house. We have tons of food, leftovers, etc. but my son couldn't find anything that he wanted to eat and from there the argument escalated. My Mom got involved and the whole thing got nasty, my son felt we were ganging up on him. This is the third time this has happened, but the first that my Mom got involved. Usually she's long in bed by the time he gets home (and she's almost deaf, so didn't hear us before, apparently). She said that she could not live with us and would find a senior's place to live.
My Mom isn't one to just give threats, she means what she says. So it looks like we will all be moving soon again. I'm very tired of the situation too, even though it's been only a couple of days. I know he doesn't make a lot of money but my son really needs to find another place to live, I'm tired of this. And I'm heartsick over it too.
This extended family living was a BAD idea! And practically speaking, it hasn't saved me money--I've been spending much more on groceries. It certainly hasn't saved me time or work--I've had to cook, clean and keep house for three people. I wish my son was still in my Mom's good graces, but maybe a change would be good for all of us...
10 Comments:
Maybe a change would be good for you all...but still, it doesn't sound fun and I imagine your a bit let down at the whole situation because it's not what you expected.
I can kind of sympathize with you on the whole "family" thing...and you probably feel like you're smack dab in the middle...your mom on one side, your son on the other. (Because my mother lives with me and The PK and I often feel like I'm smack dab in the middle too!!!)
Hang in there...whatever will happen, will happen. And I feel when it comes down, it all happens for a reason, you know? :)
It's been good of you to try this extended family thing, but it's a tough thing, especially if people are headsrong and cantakerous. Maybe you deserve the peace of being on your own now?
I'm sorry that you had a rough couple of days. I agree with Anvilcloud, it sounds like you deserve your own space.
It sounds like your having a rough time.I know adult sons can be difficult i have one of my own.sounds like he's got problems at work and he lashes out when he gets home.
http://pinklady.typepad.com/
Wow! That must be very stressful, and you sure don't need more stress. I agree with Katie and AC. Your mum can move into a seniors residence, if she's unable to forgive her grandson's mistake. Her loss, IMO. And perhaps it's time your son learned to care for himself. You deserve peace.
thinking of you with compassion---having driven down this dreary road more than once with my loved ones. hope it all works out.
when grown sons and daughters come back to live it is a pain. we have had 4 children and 3 of them came back to live with us on and off through the years. if my mother came to live here with my wife and i it would not work at all. i would have to get a job and put her in a place with some one to watch her to save my marriage.
Perhaps your right....changes. Still, i'm sorry your hurting through it all. Try not to stress too much, i'm sure this has happened for a reason :)
hmmm i hold a grudge really well too, i bet you feel like you are so in the middle of all this, i think it was a huge adjustment for you all to make and it will settle down in time, you might just all kill each other first...
*hugs*
I feel so badly for you about the family situation. I'm in a bit of a spot myself the same way and I am trying to do it with as much finesse as possible. My family member is going to try counciling with his mother (she needs it especially)... and since he is a kid...I told him he needs to suck it up too. Maybe your Mom will come around and things can work out. Afterall, you can get a new washer and dryer...and that would fix that situation.
Post a Comment
<< Home