(Yes, I’m an idiot) He said. She said.
I’ll admit it, I’m an idiot. Last night I was catching up on my blogging and the Vegetable Man IM’s me. “Whatcha doin?” So I told him I was blogging! That led to an entire conversation about the merits of hiding/not hiding blogs and he asked for the link to my blog. I didn’t give it to him. Gosh I’m dumb. Why on earth did I open that can of worms? He had no idea that I had a blog. Now, since he’s smart and curious, he will Google me. Hopefully I haven’t said any memorable phrases that stick in his mind that I’ve also written in my blog so it will pull up for him. Gahhhhh, I’m stupid, yes!
It’s true that I haven’t said anything in the blog that I haven’t told him. In fact when we finally got past the blogging thing, we talked about “our relationship” again. And I’m going to start putting that phrase into quotes! At the end of that conversation he said, “Tell me I haven’t saddened you. Please.” And I said “This whole thing does, a bit.” So we agreed to table it and talk about it in person again. I’m not sure that I want to do that. It doesn’t resolve a thing and just upsets me all over again, because nothing has changed.
To take our regular discussion from the top: he usually begins with something like, “I don’t really have time, money, or that much interest in starting a new relationship or being in a relationship right now.” Offered as the reason why he doesn’t want a relationship with me, of course.
And I say as a sort of challenge, “But it sounds like you ARE interested in starting a new relationship with this phone-calling, E-mailing and dating service thing. It may be that you just aren’t interested in anybody you know right now, but you certainly do appear to be looking for a relationship!”
VM always replies with some vague psychological BS like, “That’s a leftover feeling from who I’ve been most of my life: needing external reinforcement of my ego, you know, feeling that I’m smart, desirable and all of that.” Which could mean that he’s NOT really looking for a relationship but for more bed partners. Either way, it doesn’t make me very happy about the whole thing even though he hasn’t actually met any of these other people--yet.
Then I always say something like: “It just seems like WE have never even been up for consideration.” And it comes out more bitterly each time I say it to him.
And that how it always goes any time that we talk about “our relationship”. That's particularly sad because we've been friends a long time and can talk about just about anything. Now do you see why I’m not particularly eager to discuss it? Actually, the more I think about it, maybe I don't even want THAT sort of a relationship with him(romantic). At least not the way things are right now. I’m not used to pining over somebody who doesn’t want the same type of relationship that I want. It’s new, hurtful and I don’t like it one bit.
I did have a nice time at my Mom’s yesterday and on the way back home I met SLA at the bar/restaurant/laundromat for a couple of beers. I mentioned that to the Vegetable Man during the IMing. He asked which bar, so I told him, and it’s my regular hangout. That too, is just great, smooth move. I think I need a brake on my mouth, or at least put my brain into gear before talking, geez! Maybe the two little beers did have an effect on me. Well, it’s Monday. Do your best…right now it's still dark and feels all too early!
From my E-mail
Bumperstickers
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students!"
"According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist."
"Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have."
"How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
Seen on a woman's car: "Men call us birds, we pick up worms"
"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"
"I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles."
Uncharitable
Tim came out of a convenience store the other day and some seedy looking guy walks up to him and holds up a little sign: "DEAF & DUMB... Can you spare $10?"
Tim thinks to himself, “Wow! What happened to a dollar or 2?” So he reaches into his pocket for his wallet, opens it, and takes out a folded piece of paper and hands it to the guy.
It says: "I CAN'T READ" and Tim walks away.
Reduction of Redundancy
The Committee for the Reduction of Redundancy and the Antiproliferation of Repetition has decided not to meet until they have their first meeting and thus will not be meeting until the first time.
Their Pre-meeting Statement wanted to make this clear before they had their first meeting, so that it would not be nor confusing.
So their first meeting will actually be their first meeting and they will not have a meeting before the first meeting.
This should avoid having people show up for their first meeting before it is held, since to do so would be confusing to those who did so and this is what they want to avoid by reducing the confusion and lessening the repetition.
It’s true that I haven’t said anything in the blog that I haven’t told him. In fact when we finally got past the blogging thing, we talked about “our relationship” again. And I’m going to start putting that phrase into quotes! At the end of that conversation he said, “Tell me I haven’t saddened you. Please.” And I said “This whole thing does, a bit.” So we agreed to table it and talk about it in person again. I’m not sure that I want to do that. It doesn’t resolve a thing and just upsets me all over again, because nothing has changed.
To take our regular discussion from the top: he usually begins with something like, “I don’t really have time, money, or that much interest in starting a new relationship or being in a relationship right now.” Offered as the reason why he doesn’t want a relationship with me, of course.
And I say as a sort of challenge, “But it sounds like you ARE interested in starting a new relationship with this phone-calling, E-mailing and dating service thing. It may be that you just aren’t interested in anybody you know right now, but you certainly do appear to be looking for a relationship!”
VM always replies with some vague psychological BS like, “That’s a leftover feeling from who I’ve been most of my life: needing external reinforcement of my ego, you know, feeling that I’m smart, desirable and all of that.” Which could mean that he’s NOT really looking for a relationship but for more bed partners. Either way, it doesn’t make me very happy about the whole thing even though he hasn’t actually met any of these other people--yet.
Then I always say something like: “It just seems like WE have never even been up for consideration.” And it comes out more bitterly each time I say it to him.
And that how it always goes any time that we talk about “our relationship”. That's particularly sad because we've been friends a long time and can talk about just about anything. Now do you see why I’m not particularly eager to discuss it? Actually, the more I think about it, maybe I don't even want THAT sort of a relationship with him(romantic). At least not the way things are right now. I’m not used to pining over somebody who doesn’t want the same type of relationship that I want. It’s new, hurtful and I don’t like it one bit.
I did have a nice time at my Mom’s yesterday and on the way back home I met SLA at the bar/restaurant/laundromat for a couple of beers. I mentioned that to the Vegetable Man during the IMing. He asked which bar, so I told him, and it’s my regular hangout. That too, is just great, smooth move. I think I need a brake on my mouth, or at least put my brain into gear before talking, geez! Maybe the two little beers did have an effect on me. Well, it’s Monday. Do your best…right now it's still dark and feels all too early!
From my E-mail
Bumperstickers
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students!"
"According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist."
"Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have."
"How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
Seen on a woman's car: "Men call us birds, we pick up worms"
"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"
"I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles."
Uncharitable
Tim came out of a convenience store the other day and some seedy looking guy walks up to him and holds up a little sign: "DEAF & DUMB... Can you spare $10?"
Tim thinks to himself, “Wow! What happened to a dollar or 2?” So he reaches into his pocket for his wallet, opens it, and takes out a folded piece of paper and hands it to the guy.
It says: "I CAN'T READ" and Tim walks away.
Reduction of Redundancy
The Committee for the Reduction of Redundancy and the Antiproliferation of Repetition has decided not to meet until they have their first meeting and thus will not be meeting until the first time.
Their Pre-meeting Statement wanted to make this clear before they had their first meeting, so that it would not be nor confusing.
So their first meeting will actually be their first meeting and they will not have a meeting before the first meeting.
This should avoid having people show up for their first meeting before it is held, since to do so would be confusing to those who did so and this is what they want to avoid by reducing the confusion and lessening the repetition.
12 Comments:
will he find this post???
*come out come out, where ever you are*
i bet he's spent every minute since looking for your blog...men are so impatient when its something they know is out there and they are being kept in the dark...i hope he doesn't find it...
:0)
I hope he doesn't find it either. This is YOUR place...to say whatever you want.
That's one of the MAIN reasons The PK doesn't know my blog address. He got VERY pissy with me when he found out I blogged at all.
You know I had to move my blog because I was stuck using friends and relative computers for a month while I was evacuated during Katrina.
I also made the mistake of letting people know of it's existence and then had to tell them "no" when asked for the URL. People don't like that! LOL
Thanks for the comment! The new address is http://se7endog.blogspot.com or HERE
Have a good one!!
8)
Is the Vegetable Man nick just used here? If not, he might track it. Maybe you two need to set a date to discuss this and this only until you arrive at an understanding, whatever that might be? It sounds as though it only gets talked about in fragments here and there. Or maybe not. :)
You may have to accept or reject the status quo because I don't see a change coming. He is what he is. Just my view.
Poor you this VM seems to be having you going around in circles.. I am sorry this is happening to you. Did you give him your ID name? cos if not I don;t think he would find you.... or am I just being naieve!!.
Have a good day
Oh I hope he doesn't find it. Does he know your nickname for yourself on here or his nickname? Just like everyone else already said that would be the eaisest way for him to find it. Ugh, so much stress.
I too sometimes have a tendency to rattle things off that I didn't mean to. Usually I catch myself halfway through saying it and then try to cover it up poorly, which just makes it more obvious.
I like that "time" bumpersticker.
I was under the impression that to be "Googled" you had to be on the google listing thingy. I deliberately left myself off it because i occasionly speak about work cases (not names) and i thought crap if my boss gets wind of this i'm in trouble! So if i google me...i never come up!
Now veggie man. For this relationship to exist, both of you must be getting something out of right? If it is just the sex, and it suits you both coz it's safe, then go for it! As long as you realise it aint going anywhere else, there's no harm done. If it does hurt you because you know it aint going anywhere else...then i say "Shut up shop", and let him look for it elsewhere!
You are the most prolific blogger I know. I'm gone for a few days and you've written a novella. Oh, I envy you!
I'm with everyone else...I hope he doesn't find your blog because then the self-editing would begin, and we would miss your wonderful honesty. You've never said anything mean, though. Just nice, honest, feelings.
I'm with Magicfingers...I think he has some growing up to do. Too bad he's soooo about himself...because he should not have embarked on this relationship if he didn't have commitment in mind...since you two had had a relationship before. This is in no way a slap to...he knew you were caring and kind and probably could take advantage of it when all of a sudden 'she' left. Before you guys looked up into the stars that night he should have been honest and let you decide what path you wanted to tread. At least you wouldn't have gotten you heart hopes up...and for that he is a naughty boy. And he needs to know it sometime. If you can be content to take from it what it offers now...knowing that perhaps you'll have to walk away at some point...so be it. Enjoy. But I've always thought you were too good for him.
strangers I don;t mind telling about my blog..but I've made the mistake of telling family and now I can't write juicy stuff.
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