Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Hi again, I'm back (sort of)

So sorry for my long absence and lack of comments on your blogs. I've missed you. The yoga and meditation was and still is an infatuation. Or at least that's what my friends think, and they know me very well. But I have to say that without blogging and TV watching I've had lots and lots of "extra" time. I really have missed the cute stories, inspiring thoughts and day-to-day situations of the blogs I used to read regularly. Actually, I've read a few at work a couple of times, but couldn't comment, of course.

A joke for when I (finally) blog post again....
The True Origin of the Internet

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.

And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called 'Amazon Dot Com.'

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?" And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent.

But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secrete himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young man did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others."

And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known "eBay" he said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."

And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."

"YAHOO," said Abraham.

And that is how it all began. It wasn't Al Gore after all.

_________________
And another, sort of joke:
We heard a runor recently that a large university was conducting an in-depth study of why men have such a hard time picking up women. We think the following list of common pickup lines more than explains the problem:
• I may not be Fred Flinstone but I can sure make your bed rock!
• Is your dad a thief or something? Because someone stole the stars and put them into your eyes!
• Excuse me, but I'm new in town. Can I have directions to your place?
• Can I buy you a drink - or would you just prefer the five bucks?
• I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.
• I wish I were a tear so I could start in your eyes, live on your face, and die on your lips.
• Are you sure that we haven't met somewhere in a past life?
• Can I have directions to your heart?
• If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
• You must be the reason for global warming because you're hot.
• Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes.
• Baby you must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night!
• Are you an overdue book? Because you've got FINE written all over you!
• If I followed you home, would you keep me?
• If I told you you had a gorgeous body, would you hold it against me?
• Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
• Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk past you again?
• Call the police!! It has to be illegal to look that fine!
• I lost my number, can I have yours?
• Is your father a baker? Because those sure are some nice buns!
• Am I cute enough yet? Or do you need more to drink?

27 Comments:

Blogger Michelle said...

Ohhh goody, i'm first!
Come back we miss you!!! So glad you let us all know how you're doing. Surely you can make a wee bit more time to post...your missed :o)

7:18 PM  
Blogger happyandblue2 said...

What do you do with all the free time.
And do any women actually fall for those lines..

7:44 PM  
Blogger Anvilcloud said...

Ya gotta do what ya gotta do, and ya don't hafta blog forever if yiz don't wanna.

11:37 PM  
Blogger Lorna said...

Thank God I'm not in the dating scene---any one of those would get me.

11:56 PM  
Blogger Fizzy said...

I am soooooo glad you have posted again, I really really really missed you.
However, you sound like you are using the time wisely.
I loved the story of the true origin of the internet. I knew that it must be a woman who had the idea :)
Look after yourself

1:58 AM  
Blogger magicfingers said...

very very cute. I enjoyed those.

2:17 AM  
Blogger dan said...

sometimes it's good to take a break

4:55 AM  
Blogger Grant said...

You forgot my favorite line: "Hi. I'm a fuckaholic."

Instead of reposting all the bad pickup lines, why don't you do us guys a favor and tell us what actually works? :-)

8:10 AM  
Blogger Daddy's Boy said...

i like the last pick up line. LOL!

8:49 AM  
Blogger deni said...

Hey, glad your back, you've been missed.

I really liked the internet story, that was good.

8:50 AM  
Blogger Brooklyn said...

JUST GLAD YOU ARE BACK!!!

11:28 AM  
Blogger katie said...

Oh good, you haven't flown the coop! I was worried you weren't coming back!

1:24 PM  
Blogger Martini Love said...

Puke.... that is what those lines make me wanna do.

Good to hear you are busy, I think busy us a good thing!

7:17 PM  
Blogger sumo said...

Had a good time did you? Good for you!

1:10 AM  
Blogger Magpie said...

glad to have you back, i know blogging takes up a lot of time and i expect a lot of people around xmas will be quite sparse with posts, i know i probably will...we just wory about you when you don't show for a week...

*hugs*

2:31 AM  
Blogger Weary Hag said...

You know, I think I've actually heard some of those pick up lines! haha ... very funny stuff. Or um, were they supposed to be serious? :o

It's good to see you're doing well and doing something FOR YOU. Nothing but nothing can be bad about that.

12:25 PM  
Blogger fugusashi said...

I miss you, but I understand your need to pull back from the internet and explore this wonderful thing you've found.

take care.

8:42 PM  
Blogger L/M said...

Ireally like your stries

12:52 PM  
Blogger glomgold said...

Good to read that the meditation & yoga are treating you well. Maybe you can offer some tips when you post again!
I think I'm gonna jot down that Fred Flintstone line. Haha.

11:37 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Lots and lots of extra time sounds divine. I'm glad you're enjoying your meditation and yoga time. Sounds peaceful and cleansing...perfect for this time of year.

Love the Internet joke...specially the end..eBay and Yahoo...haha!

3:20 AM  
Blogger Aims said...

• I may not be Fred Flinstone but I can sure make your bed rock! - I love it!!! & one of my mates was once asked if a bloke could buy her a drink & she said she'd prefer the cash after reading a joke like this - you should've seen the blokes face!!!
Take care - c u soon!

11:52 AM  
Blogger MrGonSings said...

Welcome back!
:)

5:45 PM  
Blogger dulciana said...

Welcome back! Hey, even an on-again-off-again flirt with spirituality can be good for you. It's all about balance. You sound pretty balanced to me!

6:20 PM  
Blogger Walker said...

Ha Ha Ha loved the origins of the internet. Yoga and meditation is what I used to get when I was drunk. Lost in my thoughts and all knotted up.
:)

11:24 AM  
Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Still gone, huh?

Ah, we still miss you! :)

1:56 PM  
Blogger dan said...

heellloooo

5:00 AM  
Blogger Fizzy said...

HIya I am just checking to say hello and I hope that you are OK. Thinking about you

11:52 AM  

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