Tuesday, April 21, 2009

A sunny day

A woman was staying at a hotel and she decided to go sunbathing on the hotel roof. When she laid down her bikini top fell off. But, she didn't care because no one would see her anyway.

After a while she heard footsteps; it was the hotel manager. She hurried and covered herself up.

The hotel manager said, "We don't mind if you sunbathe up here, but we really would appreciate it if you would keep your bikini top on!"

She answered, "No one will see me anyway."

The hotel manager replied, "I hate to break this to you. But, you've been lying on the dining room skylights."

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side).

While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.

The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear!"

Ray, was attempting to build a patio for the first time. He bought 100 cement blocks. Laying them out in a pattern, he discovered the chosen area was too small.

He stacked the blocks against the house and cleared more space. The next day Ray put the cement blocks back down, only to find that the ground was too hard to keep the patio level.

He ordered a truckload of sand to be delivered the following morning. Again he stacked the 100 blocks against the house.

Observing all this, his next-door neighbor asked, "Ray, are you going to put your patio away every night?"

Finally, the good-natured boss was compelled to call Smith into his office.

"It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium, you have to take your aunt to the doctor."

"You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Smith. "I didn't realize it. You don't suppose she's faking, do you?"

A wealthy man commissioned an artist to paint a portrait of his wife. Startled by the nonrepresentational image on the final canvas, the woman's husband complained, "It isn't how she really looks."

When asked by the painter how she really looked, the man produced a photograph from his wallet.

Returning the photography the artist observed, "Small, isn't she?"

If a train station is where the train stops and a bus station is where the bus stops, what is a work station?


My early morning visit got cancelled. But now I have time to do the documentation for the three visits that I had yesterday. Oh, and one of my visit families want to go to the circus! I haven't seen the circus for years and years, since my own son was little. I got to hang out on a playground all day during a beautiful couple of days last week and got the sunburn to prove it! Also have gotten to go to the zoo and the children's museum, art gallery and other fun stuff many times. And I get paid for this! It's sometimes sad and sometimes hard but basically I love my job!

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Blogger Grant said...

Any chance you can get paid to hang out in a bar?

10:38 AM  
Blogger Maria said...

I liked the ring bear joke the best..

8:25 PM  
Blogger Molly said...

You can't beat getting paid to do something you love! Thanks for the laughs! I liked the bikini one, but the little boy bear was pretty funny too.....

10:41 PM  
Blogger Violet said...

I find that even the most uneventful day can seem more fun if there's sun. I'm glad your day was so fun.

2:07 AM  
Blogger Weary Hag said...

Love your jokes!!! What a wonderful blogging concept ... Now... next step... we get you to put up a YouTube channel in which you speak the jokes. You'd be a big hit!

Thanks so much for remembering me and stopping in on me. You've been one of my oldest (only in Blogging-speak) and sweetest friends here and I appreciate you!

8:04 AM  
Blogger Rhubarb Whine said...

I LOVE the bikini top joke. Ha, too funny!

(PS - please consider enabling open ID so us non-blogspot users can comment via wordpress?)

7:24 PM  

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