Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Evidence collecting

Tonight is another Citizen's Police Academy session. This one will be on collecting evidence at a crime scene. We were told to wear old clothing. I think we'll be working with fingerprinting and collecting fingerprints, looking through the microscope and stuff like that, interesting! I'm still listening to the police scanner at home. My Mom likes listening to it, too.

Rather than venting about work or home, here are some-

Jokes from my E-mail
A bad day
There's this guy in a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outraged, fires me.

"When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police, they say they can do nothing.

"I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the neighbor. I leave home, and come to this bar.

"And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

The Evolution of Casual Day

Week 1 - Memo No. 1

Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.

Week 3 - Memo No. 2

Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.

Week 6 - Memo No. 3

Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday's wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.

Week 8 - Memo No. 4

A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.

Week 9 - Memo No. 5

As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.

Week 14 - Memo No. 6

The Casual Day Task Force has now completed a 30-page manual entitled "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards." A copy has been distributed to every employee. Please review the chapter "You Are What You Wear" and consult the "home casual" versus "business casual" checklist before leaving for work each Friday. If you have doubts about the appropriateness of an item of clothing, contact your CDTF representative before 7 a.m. on Friday.

Week 18 - Memo No. 7

Our Employee Assistant Plan (EAP) has now been expanded to provide support for psychological counseling for employees who may be having difficulty adjusting to Casual Day.

Week 20 - Memo No. 8

Due to budget cuts in the HR Department we are no longer able to effectively support or manage Casual Day. Casual Day will be discontinued, effective immediately.

Top Ten Signs You Have a Bad Computer
10. Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch" on it.

9. It's celebrity spokesman is that "Hey Vern!" guy.

8. In order to start it, you need some jumper cables and a friend's car.

7. It's slogan is "Pentium: redefining mathematics".

6. The "quick reference" manual is 120 pages long.

5. Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling.

4. The screen often displays the message, "Ain't it break time yet?"

3. The manual contains only one sentence: "Good Luck!"

2. The only chip inside is a Dorito.

1. You've decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.

(Somewhat later): Gross subject, don't read if you're eating!
Well, you knew I couldn't do it! Yes, I just have to vent before I zip off to work for the day. I opened my bedroom door (Yay, I love having a door!) to an awful stench early this morning. I went into the bathroom and someone had been sick all over the toilet, in the back of the toilet, on the floor, then they walked through it to the sink. And I'm NOT talking vomit here but from the other end. The smell made me gag. I had to clean the bathroom before even starting to get ready for work, and it was making me feel ill!

I showered and played with the ferrets after, and got dressed for work. All the while I was wondering, who did this? We're all adults here, which of my two "roommates" would leave the bathroom in such a state, even if they were sick? I just found out it was my Mom. She toddled out to use the now-cleaned bathroom, told me she had been sick and went back to bed. If I had a Top Ten Reasons to want to live alone, this would be #1!

Happy non-smelly Wednesday to you!

9 Comments:

Blogger Ms Mac said...

Have fun at your police workshop thingy!

Those jokes were good, I got a giggle out of quote a few of the computer ones!

6:33 AM  
Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Oh my God...that was really bad!!! What a way to start your day! Ugh!

Well, I hope you have a good time at the workshop...dust for lots of prints....maybe oogle another hot police officer! ;)

6:50 AM  
Blogger Fizzy said...

YUK!! Did you enlighten your Mum?
WHat a horrible way to wake up

Loved the casual day thingy... very good

have a good time tonight.... hope that you see some more dishy police guys

12:47 PM  
Blogger katie said...

careful with the fingerprint dust, that stuff does not come out. I have it on a spot on my carpet, and luckily I'm taking the carpet out. Enjoy the session!

2:16 PM  
Blogger sumo said...

Have fun at the police party tonight.

4:25 PM  
Blogger deni said...

I'd rather take fingerprints than clean the bathroom after that.

Whew, you poor thing, I feel for you.

5:10 PM  
Blogger Martini Love said...

That police thing sounds fun!

6:28 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

OMG, you poor darling what you have to put up with. You need a medal for keeping calm with your mother, i would have well and truly ,lost it.

12:08 AM  
Blogger Magpie said...

ugh, cleaning up other peoples sick would not be my way to start the day either, i would have left it for the culprit...ick

hope you had fun at the workshop...

:0)

2:39 AM  

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